Mending What's Broken
by Joyoust175
Summary: How did Josh and Donna get 'them' back? How did they get from 'You left when I gave you a career' to 'the going with you part was all me? and beyond...
1. Chapter 1

I've lost count of how many times I've seen Donna sleep. I've seen her fall asleep on planes, on trains, in hotel rooms and one hot summer's night in 2000 on the corner of my hospital bed with her head balanced precariously on the metal head rail. For me, watching Donna Moss sleep is nothing new. She's been with the campaign for two days now and we're on the bus heading for a breakfast rally in the morning. It's late, there's only five of us on the bus, Bram is flicking through a local newspaper, Lou is dozing with her head against the window, the congressman and I are going over the message calendar for next week and Donna is curled up on a seat behind us all – sleeping.

I've lost count of how many times I've watched Donna sleep. She had this natural slow rhythm, peaceful and content. Tonight that rhythm's off – it's like someone in the orchestra hasn't told the percussion section to play with the rest of them. The foot curled up under her right leg is moving, trying to get somewhere and the rest of her isn't going, her breathing is fast and more uneven than I know it should be.

"That's some dream Donna's having" says Bram, nodding towards her. If he doesn't take the smirk off his face I may wipe it off.

Suddenly Donna's sleeping figure moves, sitting bolt upright, her face is twisted in obvious pain and she's screaming 'Josh!... Josh!'

I can feel Bram's eyes boring into my back and I ignore his lecherous 'hey dude, it's about you and I think she likes it man', I'm up off my feet and crouching down in front of her, taking her hands in mine. We haven't been us in a while and I'd put money on the fact that there's a few people on this campaign who would say we didn't even know each other. But I know what's happening and as messed up as we are right now I can't just leave her… She never left me, not for one second - did I just remember Donna not leaving? Well that's in stark opposition to my thoughts recently! Her eyes are open but she's not awake, she's staring at something in the background that only she can see. I rub my thumbs over hers and then I tap her thumb nail gently with mine.

"Donna… Donna…Wake up Donna"

The fog behind her eyes begins to clear and she blinks a few times as if trying to focus in the light. Her eyes clear and she's looking directly into mine.. She brings her hands away from mine and covers her face, holding her head with her elbows on her knees. I won't, I can't break contact with her, my hand goes to her shoulder as I feel someone's hand rest on mine. I look up and the congressman's nodding toward his private cabin at the back of the bus. I nod at him and urge Donna to stand, guiding her in an all too familiar way with my hand on her back toward the door. She moves into the cabin and sits on the seat, still quiet, her hands supporting her head again.

I lean against the door, my hands gripping the handle - back straight, head against the door frame, just like I've been told - never taking my eyes off her.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what Josh? I'm fine" she says weakly. That's not Donna's voice, where's the confidence, the warmth? It's cold and I don't know what she's trying to sell but I'm not buying.

"Obviously"

"Don't, just don't."

"How long have they been going on?"

"Josh don't…"

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask, I see something spark in her eyes, something switches on.

"And when exactly was I supposed to do that Josh? Tell me?"

"Anytime Donna, I didn't go anywhere"

"You know dam well that when I came back from Germany you put the barriers up"

"Donna"

"No, Josh I'm serious here. I'm supposed to tell you that the nightmares couldn't get much worse and every personal detail in them but you put up the barricades again… From 'I'm still here as long as you need me' to 'Donna where's my thing for the thing I'm late' in the space of a week! Jesus Josh when they make you Chief of Staff you won't need a Secret Service detail, no bullet would ever be able to get through the barri… Oh my God… "

"It's fine"

"No, Josh, Oh my God, I'm sorry, I never should…"

"Donna, it's fine"

"No, my god, I pra… I shouldn't… more than anyone…."

"What's in the nightmare?"

"It's nothing"

"Donna"

"It's nothing"

"When you talk about it, you rationalise it, when you rationalise it, the next time you'll realise it's a dream and you'll dream it you won't relive it…"

"You're quoting me to me?"

"Yeah, it's served me well in the past…"

"Josh"

"What's in the nightmare?"

"I'm… I'm sitting in a car and I can't see who's beside me but Fitz is in front, he's talking but I can't hear what he's saying, I can see his eyes… and then the world flips, I can feel the car turning over and I'm still looking at Fitz and I can feel the shudder of the car hitting the ground again and at that second I see Fitz's eyes change, there's nothing… nothing…"

"It's OK… you're doing… "

"…nothing there anymore and everything goes black when I open my eyes again I can see you, you're standing in front of a wall and I can see a something…."

"A what?"

"A something…a piece of metal… a bullet… heading towards you and I'm shouting at you but you don't hear me and…"

"And that's when you wake up"

"And that's when I wake up"

"Have you talked about this to someone?"

"Yes" 

"ATVA?"

"Yeah"

"Stanley?"

"Yeah"

"What's your rationaliser?"

"Know something about this do you?"

"Just a little, what's your rationaliser?"

"I don't have one for the Fitz part, I saw that, I saw the exact second he… "

"I know… for anything else?"

"That you're still around… in one way or another"

"I'm still here Donna, I never went anywhere"

"Is that another dig at me for leaving?"

"Donna!"

"Sorry it's just… what are you doing here, we haven't spoken properly in…"

"What's your trigger?"

"What?"

"Your trigger. Brass quartet? YoYo Ma? the New York Philharmonic?"

"Anxiety, sleeping in a moving vehicle"

"So a presidential campaign is exactly the right place for you then?"

"You're firing me?"

"No…"

"Maybe I should…?"

"This guy's walking down a street, when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up "Hey you! Can you help me out?" The doctor writes him a prescription, throws it down the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up "Father, I'm down in this hole, can you help me out?" The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. "Hey Joe, it's me, can you help me out?" And the friend jumps in the hole! Our guy says "Are you stupid? Now we're both down here!" and the friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before, and I know the way out."

"Didn't Leo copyright that?"

"'As long as I have a job, you have a job'… as long as you want it that is…"

"And another dig at me for leaving…"

"Donna"

"I'm serious Josh… I can't keep apologis…"

"I'm not asking you to… I don't know how we ended up like this… but I'm sorry you felt you couldn't come to me with…"

"I wanted to"

"I wanted you to"

"'Yeah?"

"Yeah"

"I miss you"

"I miss you too"

"I'll quit Josh… I just really embarrassed you…"

"You want to leave… again?"

"You're not over that are you?"

"No"

"I just think after that it would be easier if…"

"Bram thinks you were having an erotic dream about me?"

"And that makes it better how?"

"I don't know… but it seemed pretty good for me right?"

"Yeah… I'm sure that did wonders for your ego…"

"You're not going anywhere… unless you want to that is… I mean.. I…"

"I'm not going anywhere"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah"

"Kay"

"But you do realise I'll have to spin thin the dream thing." smirk

"Yes"

"and it may not turn out as well for you as you might hope…"

"Get out there Gizelda… we've got a rally in the morning…"

"And if I can't brief the press they might make you do it?"

"And look where that might lead us…"

"A secret plan you don't support?"

"I didn't miss the mouth full of wise ass Donnatella"

"Oh but you did" 

"Yeah I did…"


	2. Chapter 2

I've lost count of how many times I've just stood and watched Josh work. Way, way back I used to think I was standing watching the world get better - I'm a little less dewy eyed now. But it's still so familiar, it's like watching a determined steam train chug up hill, Yeah he's 'the little train that could' – tap, tap, score, tap, tap, drink, tap, tap… whoo whoo… When was the last time I heard Josh "Whoo, whoo"? Yeah – I might need some more sleep!

"You just going to stand there?"

"Hey"

"Hey"

"How you doing?"

"I'm doing fine"

"You been sleeping alright?"

"You've asked me that every day for two weeks."

"Feel familiar?"

"No… should it?" Yes it does but it's nice to be on the receiving end. I just wish neither of us ever had to – ask I mean.

"My Donna Moss impersonation may need work, it's the cheese vowel sounds, can't quite get my tongue… you know… around them"

"Never known you to have a problem with the oral before?"

"7…"

"60 Baby… yeah yeah"

"What time is it?"

"Early…Your watch sucks Josh"

"What are you doing here?"

"Staff in ten"

"And you're in on it?"

"You don't think I should be"

"That's not what I said"

"No but it's what you're thinking"

"What the hell is it with women telling me what I'm thinking?"

"You used to be… um… ensorcelled… by it, You used to enjoy it"

"I used to enjoy peppermint ice cream, too, but now those little pieces of candy, they get stuck in your teeth in a way that I find irritating."

"Josh!"

"Hey guys – you two are just peas in a pod I can tell"

"Hey Lou"

"Staff next door – we're gonna start five minutes early - for once everyone's here"

Yeah that saved us. He's asked me everyday this week if I'm ok, he doesn't do it in front of the others for which I'm eternally grateful. Josh Lyman's found tack! Never did I think I'd see the day… Even when I haven't been in the same state as him he's called… oh how I appreciated the 2 a.m. call last Wednesday… Yeah actually I did. I'm sure as much as he appreciated the one at 3.45 the night before. We're sniping at each other still, we never did that and the slightest comment can set us into a full blown 'recrimination-fest'… God that man can quote!... but still when I woke up, struggling to focus on the hotel wall and screams and bangs in my ears and that picture I can't shift of Fitz's eye's burning in the back of my head, I still hit #1.

We file into the meeting room next to Josh's office – the new democratic dream team – maybe it's just because I came in late, these are a great bunch of people, they're smart they're dedicated but every so often when Bram makes a comment, or Lou nags at Otto I think of Sam and C.J. Sam would have got a laugh where everyone just stares at Bram. Josh would have laughed, really laughed. How long has it been since I saw Josh laugh?

Leo winks at me and sits down, Annabeth slips something that I know is Clinique 'Lip Repair' into my hand and takes a seat beside me.

"Ok Guys, let's keep this short we're SMT -5 and we're gonna stay that way."

"At least for the next half hour"

"Yes Sir"

"Lou – media buys west, mid west?"

"Donna's got it"

"Donna?"

"According to the last instructions we've uped buy points in Oregon, Idaho and California"

"Nevada?"

"No, you… the memo said not to… we had a grip and grin for 10 minutes there last week which generated free media and ad buy should bleed in from Oregon and California"

"You got smart at this kid"

At Leo's comment I glance at Josh, Did he just twitch? He took me seriously, that idiotic, self obsessed, sense of humour lacking idiot – I just called him an idiot twice in one sentence – hardly a record for me! He took me seriously!

"Ok – 48 hours debate prep, Donna, Lou, Edie, Miami then Denver then L.A. right?"

"Yes Boss"

"Leo?" 

"Ask Annabeth, the hell if I know…"

"D.C. Florida, Alabama, Arkansas, Iowa"

"Congressman?"

"I'm guessing I'm going with Lou, Edie et al, there wouldn't be much point in them going without me right?"

"I meant do you have anything to add Sir?"

"No"

"SMT 0, let's move people…"

I put the Lip Repair from Annabeth into my bag and pull out a new pack of note cards. I scribble something on one and head next door. I better make this quick I'm heading away for what's looking like a while.

"What do you want?"

"Blunt as ever Joshua"

"Seriously Donna – I'm kind pressed and you're about to miss the motorcade"

"The Congressman is finishing something up with Leo"

"What do you need?"

"Just to give you this"

"What's that?"

"A note card"

"A note card?"

"In the entire history of our… our whatever… the only way I've ever been able to convince you of a mistakenly held opinion was using note cards"

"Note cards?"

"Yes… note cards…"

"You don't write me note cards anymore."

"Well obviously I do or I wouldn't be standing here holding one now would I?"

"O.K. What do you think I'm doing wrong, is the message calendar out? Ad buy? Come on Donna, Leo's right, you got smart at this. What am I not doing?"

I set the card down on his desk and turn on my heel, calling over my shoulder.

"Read the card Josh"

When he does, when he picks it up, he's going to read three words, just three words:

It wasn't Will


	3. Chapter 3

I've lost count of how many times I've watched C.J. brief, it's on average twice a day for the last seven years and the campaign before that. I'm sitting here in my apartment watching reruns of Donna's press statement today and it's obvious she's watched C.J. too. If you don't like the premise of the question, don't accept it, it's seduction not war. God she's learned a lot. 'I gave her a career' - no way did I give this woman anything, anything she deserved anyway, I gave her abuse, I gave her a schedule to fight over, lunch orders… The career she's got she took, took my ramblings about politics, policy, and made herself. Took her leave of me and went off and proved it. I gave her a diplomatic passport and a place on a CODEL to Gaza, she took a piece of me when the car blew into the air…

My cell rings…

"Josh Lyman"

"Hey, you spoken to Lou?"

"Yeah, Where are you?"

"Just got into Denver, we're heading out to L.A. tomorrow night, then to Philly"

"Did he change the stump?"

"Only slightly, swapped the front section to education but it made sense"

"How're you getting from Denver to LA?"

"The usual"

"Overnight?"

"Yes"

"What the hell Donna?"

"I'll be fine"

"Talk to Stanley"

"I don't need to, they've gone again"

"You sure?"

"Yeah"

"You're not just telling me that?"

"Josh!"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously I'm not telling you anything different than you would tell me in the same situation" 

"Kay… why do I think you're just not accepting the question?"

"I mean it's not like you would tell, for example someone you were interviewing for Deputy Counsel, that a brass band started playing 'First Noel' and then tell me you were fine now is it?"

"Donna!"

"Seriously Josh, There's been nothing, two nights nothing"

"That's why you haven't called?"

"You wanted me to?"

"Well…"

"You didn't call me"

"It's never stopped you before"

"No…maybe… I"

"So it wasn't Will?"

"Auh…?"

"It wasn't Will?"

"No, it wasn't Will"

"Really?"

"Yeah, you know C.J. was helpful, Toby taught me a lot, Sam… now Sam was just amazing"

"And?"

"And what?"

"And?"

"I might have picked up bits and pieces from…"

"Yeah?"

"Leo"

"Watch out for the talent agents there in L.A. Donna they'll have you on Leno before you know it"

"What do you want me to say Josh? You already told me you gave me a career."

"When I said that"

"Yeah"

"I might have been, you know…."

"Wrong?"

"I wouldn't exactly say that"

"What would you say exactly?"

"I'd say holding a mistaken point of view"

"So wrong"

"You want to do me note cards just to clear it up?"

"Josh, you gave me an opportunity. I don't regret one second I spent with you in the last eight years and if you think I do or ever did you're crazy. You've been my boss, my mentor, my…my friend…"

"Yet you walked out?"

"I left the job Josh, I maybe shouldn't have done it in the way I did and if I'd been thinking more clearly maybe I'd have done it differently but it was the only way I could do it"

"Shout you were walking out on me in the middle of the bull pen?"

"I didn't walk out on you Josh, I handed in my notice"

"You left me"

"And if you think that was easy you're crazy"

"You still did it"

"Yes"

"I just…"

"You don't leave people Josh, you ran outside and you blame yourself for Joanie, you go off campaigning and your father dies, you get yourself shot and you wake up and the President's in hospital"

"I don't think you can blame me for that one"

"I can try… You don't leave people but you've done it, Hoynes for the President, The White House for Santos… Josh I had to go"

"Why?"

"Because I would have wound up hating you if I'd stayed"

"Hating me?"

"Resenting you, blaming you"

"Was I that bad?"

"I survived Josh"

"What?"

"I survived when two congressmen, a congressional aide and the former head of the joint chiefs didn't… I have to matter"

"You matter to me"

"I" 

"You always have done"

"I"

"You're why"

"I'm why?"

"Yes"

"Why what?"

"Why I was able to put through bills, try for tax relief on college tuition, economic policy, a new chief justice on the supreme court."

"Now that was my parent's cats"

"Didn't I tell you never to repeat that story?"

"Kay"

"We were a team Donna"

"I know"

"You felt that?"

"I had to go Josh"

"I know"

"But you wish I hadn't?"

"I miss you being the first person I speak to every morning and the last person I speak to before I go to sleep, I miss knowing what's going on with you… I miss… you…"

"And none of that was in my job description Josh, those are all the bits you don't have to miss if you stop blaming me… I left the job Josh, I never left you…I couldn't"

"I don't blame you"

"Good… Ok it's getting late I'm going to see if I can get my three hours beauty sleep"

"Why?"

"Because sleep is what normal people do at 2.15 a.m."

"No, why couldn't you?"

"Because you'll always have a part of me and that's something I can never leave behind"

"Really?"

"Yeah"

"Which part?"

"I don't know maybe the top half of my big toe"

"That's just gross Donna"

"Yeah"

"Yeah"

"Goodnight Josh"

"Goodnight Donna, I…"

"You what?"

"Nothing, Goodnight"

"Goodnight"

I walk into the bedroom and throw my shirt onto the chair; the laundry service will pick it up in the morning. It's the first time in a long while I've started to feel things are getting righter. OK Toby or Sam would tear me a new one for that grammatical monstrosity but for the first time in ages the last person I speak to before I go to sleep will be Donnatella Moss and that just feels right.


	4. Chapter 4

I've lost count of how many times my cell rang yesterday. Gerard from advance, Josh, the L.A. Mayor's office, Josh, the democratic black caucus chair, Lester, Josh, Lou, Annabeth, did I mention Josh? We're 11 points down in Illinois, down in Georgia, down in Missouri. We're heading to Philadelphia from L.A. and the press is getting assy that we're still trailing Vinick six weeks out. From Philly we're heading back to DC. Josh has called me every night since Denver, he spent two hours talking to me the night we were supposed to be going from Denver to L.A. until I reminded him I was in a hotel room in L.A. already and not on the bus and that sleep would be good. It's a long time since I looked forward to sleeping, the long hours with Russell never bothered me, if I avoided sleeping I avoided the nightmares. There's something however about Josh Lyman's voice being the last one I hear before I sleep that has driven those pictures, those sounds, those nightmares out of my subconscious. I think they might be republican and just scared of him.

My cell's ringing again…

"Jos – Sorry – Donna Moss"

"You can answer your cell with my name if you like Donna but you might confuse people"

"Bad habit and no one's going to confuse you with me Josh"

"My dulcet tenor is hard to mimic, many have attempted and failed. It's difficult you know being me… I'm not sure y…"

"But everyone should get a go right?"

"Who stole your cherry this morning?"

"You want to maybe rephrase that?"

"Yeah"

"What do you want?"

"Blunt as usual"

"You're quoting me to me again"

"Yeah it's served…"

"You well in the past I know. What do you want?"

"I'm just calling to check you're awake?"

"Awake?"

"Yes"

"It's 7.30"

"Yes"

"When have I ever been asleep at 7.30?"

"I don't know what slovenly habits you got yourself into when I wasn't around Donna"

"Sleeping to 7.30 wasn't one of them"

"But you picked up others?"

"I mi… Josh did you want anything in particular?"

"No, just you know…"

"Seeking to drive me batty"

"I thought you were half way there already"

"OK.. I need to go and catch up with the others before the motorcade leaves. Are you sure there wasn't anything?"

"No"

"No, you're not sure or no there's nothing?"

"We get updated state by state polls tomorrow"

"Joey's working on them?"

"Yeah"

"And you're worried?"

"Yeah, what if I've missed something, what if I've…?"

"You haven't Josh"

"How can you know that?"

"Because I would have told you"

"And you know everything"

"I know most things"

"Yeah"

"Josh, where exactly would Matt Santos be polling if _you_ hadn't got him into this thing?"

"Donna"

"Where Josh? and Vinick would have been wiping the floor with Russell by now"

"Kay"

"Just remember that"

"Kay"

"You're reading something else aren't you?"

"Kay"

"I've lost your undivided attention"

"Kay"

"Josh"

"What?"

"Put down the piece of paper and say goodbye so I can get off this call"

"How did you know I was reading?"

"'Cause I know everything"

"O.K." The tone he's using means he really doesn't agree with me.

"Kay bye"

"Yeah don't get left behind by the motorcade again. You don't have me to get you home"

"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response"

"Kay"

"See you in Philly"

"Then I'm heading back to D.C."

"Yeah"

"Ellie Bartlett's getting married"

"I heard… I'm g…"

"I'm invited"

"I know…"

"I've got Josh Lyman plus one"

"Yeah I've got Donna Moss plus one, where are you going with this Josh?"

"You were invited?"

"I spent a little bit of time running around the country with her father a few years back, you may remember it. We weren't all in every meeting and you know running the thing... I got to know Ellie"

"I know Ellie, I spent time with Zoe, Liz hated me"

"You know Ellie, Zoe had a crush on you and yes, Liz hated you"

"The Lyman charm can't work on all women"

"Does it work on any?"

"You're not good for my self confidence Donnatella"

"And your self confidence doesn't need feeding Josh, may I go?"

"You are dismissed"

"Why thank you kindly sir, I do declare I'm…"

"I'll see you in D.C?"

"Unless you walk around with your eyes closed I imagine you will"

"That would be dangerous I'd bump into things"

"Josh!"

"Yeak O.K. Hey before you go C.J. said to call in on her if you where back in town"

"''Kay"

"That wasn't very enthusiastic"

"Yay, Yay, Yippee the White House Chief of Staff wants me to call, yay yay!"

"And that lacked sincerity"

"Josh"

"What aren't you telling me?"

"I'd worry about what I am telling you rather than what I'm not. You have more than enough to be going on with"

"Your sense of humour is a bit of a high wire act isn't it Donnatella"

"We've had this conversation before, Goodbye Josh"

"Goodbye Donna, I'll talk to you later"

"In all of about an hour and a half"

"Don't pine too much"

"Oh I'll try not too. I'm ending this call now Josh"

"That's go…" Oh dear my finger slipped…


	5. Chapter 5

I've lost count of how many weddings I've gone to stag. It used to be the biggest conversation topic at weddings in our family, sometimes bigger than the bride's dress or her choice of husband… 'Donna's here alone again' 'Poor thing…' 'I know Aunt May but I've got this tyrant of a boss at the White House who seems to actually need me at work more when I have a date than when I don't' Yeah… Aunt May doesn't like Josh very much… This wedding's beautiful, the champagne is flowing as smoothly as the badinage, there are elegant men and beautiful gowns… 'and' not 'in'… We're having a day, we jumped five points in Illinois, something which none of us foresaw, not Leo, not Lou, not me and not Josh, we were down by eleven. I've been reading the eyes of politicians for the last eight years and I can tell at a second glance who's packing a dagger for Josh's back, Senator Montgomery and Barry Goodwin are high on my list right now. Hindsight's 20:20, I didn't hear them shout about Illinois three months ago, This is going to be a day, now if I can just get out through without seeing…

"Donna"

"C.J."

"Hi"

"Hey"

"Hey"

"Hi… Josh sai…"

"Can I?"

"Sorry what?"

"Can I talk you to for a second?"

"Sure… shouldn't it be Lo.."

"In my office?"

"Sure"

"Now?"

"Yeah"

I take a step away from her, I didn't, I don't want to do this… 

"Donna"

"Yeah"

"It's that way"

"Oh OK"

C.J.'s office, which I still think of as Leo's has changed. It's brighter and more welcoming but you still get that feeling of proximity to power. I'm getting that feeling now and part of me is wondering if it's emanating from C.J.'s desk or the fact that we're a metre or two away from the oval office.

"Donnatella"

Well that answers my question… I ease myself out of the visitor's chair in front of C.J.'s desk.

"Mr President"

"How are you?"

"I'm well Sir and you?"

"My daughter's getting married"

"Yes Sir"

"You left in quite a hurry a while back"

"Yes Sir I…"

"No time to say goodbye..?"

"I…"

"People move on Donna"

"Yes Sir"

"Not many of them shout 'I quit' across the west wing though"

"Sir I…"

"You're doing some wonderful work out there"

"Thank you Sir"

"It's easier when you're working with the right man"

"Mr President?"

"Matt Santos, he's good man"

"Yes Sir"

"When Ellie was six years old her cat died. That afternoon Abbey and I couldn't find her anywhere. After about twenty minutes we found her curled up in an old hay barn, crying. When we asked her where she'd been and why she'd gone, she said she was running away from the hurt."

"Yes Sir"

"But then she turned to me and said 'Daddy, it didn't stay behind where I wanted it to."

"Ellie was a very smart six year old Mr President"

"Donna, when Zoë was taken we prayed she'd come back to us in one piece. I'm so very sorry for what happened to you. I'm not sure if I said that before – there's hate and strife and evil in this world but we should never and can never let that extinguish love and friendship and kindness. We prayed for Zoë to come back but want you to know we prayed just as hard for another daughter"

"Thank you Sir"

"You're doing good out there. How's Jo…"

"Mr President"

"Claudia Jean"

"Did you need something Sir?"

"No, no I just spotted Donna"

"2:45 Mr President"

"Thank you Debbie. Ladies, you'll save a spot on your dance card for me this evening..."

"Yes Sir"

"Yes Mr President"

"Hi"

"Hi"

"We've done this"

"Yes we have"

"Donna?"

"C.J.?"

"Donna?"

"C.J.?"

"You've spoken to Kate?"

"A few times"

"I didn't know you knew Kate"

"I met her before I…"

"Left?"

"Yeah"

"O.K."

"O.K.?"

"Yes O.K."

"C.J,?"

"How often have you been back in the White House since December?"

"A few times"

"And you what? Just forgot where my office was?"

"C.J."

"I know I moved and I redecorated but?"

"I've spoken to you since I left"

"A couple of messages left with Margaret to return my calls and you begged her not to put you through…"

"You're a busy woman C.J."

"…and three two line emails saying how well the Russell job was going"

"C.J. I…"

"Were you going to tell me you were working for Santos?"

"Lou hired me"

"O.K."

"O.K."

"You were quiet when you came back from… That's perfectly natural…"

"C.J."

"You hate me don't you?"

"No!"

"Then why did I hear from Kate you were working with Santos?"

"C.J."

"This is about Josh"

"No!"

"It's about what I said about doing anything that didn't involve Josh Lyman"

"It's really not C.J., you've just… I've just…"

"I had no right"

"What?"

"I had no right suggesting you…"

"You saw a pathetic little girl who stayed in a job because she had a crush on her boss"

"I saw a smart woman who stayed in a job out of which she'd got everything she possibly could, had more responsibility than the position would normally allow but couldn't do any more because of the limits of the job and stayed because she was completely…"

"besotted with her boss who…"

"because she was committed to a friend who she knew wouldn't survive two minutes without her and thought the only way to keep her was keep her"

"That last bit made no sense C.J."

"When I told Josh about the explosion… I've only seen that in one person's eyes before"

"Who's?"

"Yours when Toby told you about Rosslyn"

"C.J,"

"Donna if I made you feel any less than you are… I was wrong… I jumped into a Ben…"

"A bed or a Ben?"

"Both… because I was doing what I was doing, I thought if I pushed you to jump too I'd be making me right"

"By proxy?"

"Yeah"

"I don't hate you C.J,"

"You just don't like me very much"

"I was really embarrassed"

"I do that to people"

"Yeah"

"So?"

"So?"

"Donna!"

"What?"

"I can't believe your making me ask this! It's punishment isn't it"

"Would I do that to one of the sisterhood?"

"One time I said that, one time! How's you and Josh? He's not your…"

"We're getting there"

"He hated it when you went"

"I am well aware"

"So you talked to Kate?"

"She's been great"

"She's been through…?"

"Yeah"

"So you've talked to Kate?"

"I just said"

"No I mean you've talk talked to Kate"

"Yeeessss?"

"Talk talk talked to Kate… today?"

"You're asking me if I know that she's asked Will Bailey to the thing?"

"Yes"

"I do know that yes"

"Will Bailey?"

"Yes"

"Will Bailey?"

"He's kind of cute C.J."

"You didn't?"

"I… No! Of course I didn't?"

"He wasn't the Post Intelligencer stand in?"

"No! No no no no no"

"O.K. But Will Bailey?"

"He's got that smart, funny, sexy thing going on"

"Will Bailey?"

"C.J.!"

"What is it with you two, we're surrounded by hunky marines and you two fall for the smart funny types?"

"I've two words for you C.J."

"What?"

"Danny Concannon"

"'Kay"

"Or should I say Toby Ziegler?"

"Not in this building you shouldn't"

"Bad?"

"A bit"

"C.J. – Josh just called he's looking for Donna and the President needs you in the Oval BYEC"

"Thanks Margaret"

"Thank you Margaret"

"By hec?"

"B.Y.E.C - Before your earliest convenience"

"One of Margaret's specials?"

"Absolutely"

"'Kay"

"Donna just go out there grab him and… I don't know… take him home with you…"

"I seeing you're not Press Secretary any more!"

"It'll give Will something to talk about other than 'pau de soir', he'll appreciate that"

"Not so much"

"No"

I watch C.J. walk through the door into the oval and the thought hits me how much I admire this woman. How much I missed her too. Everything in life has a rhythm, walking, talking, relationships, friendships… Sometimes that rhythm goes out of sync, sometimes it just has to be put right and sometimes a girl just needs a friend to tell her what she already knew herself.


	6. Chapter 6

I've lost count of how many V.P. debates I've watched over the years. I must have been about eight when I started watching them with my father. I can still remember the feel and the smell of the big brown leather chairs in the den. My father would watch and every so often call 'here, here' to the flickering black and white screen. My mom would be sewing, sitting on the armless chair at the side of the fireplace and she'd look up and say 'Calm down Noah, he can't hear you'. If she could have heard me the last few years! The second or maybe the third time I met Leo was the night of the V.P debate sometime in the late seventies…

"Joshua"

"Yes Ma"

"Joshua"

"Yes Ma"

"Are you listening to me?"

"Yes Ma"

"Go upstairs and wash up, supper is in ten minutes and we're expecting company"

"Yes Ma"

"Now Josh"

"Yes Ma"

"Joshua Lyman, move your feet up those stairs and wash up"

"I'm watching this Ma"

"Go Josh, I will not have a son of mine sitting at supper with his shirt sleeves rolled up and looking like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards."

"I'm going Ma"

"And comb your hair, if you keep putting your fingers through it, it will fall out my the time you're thirty"

"I'm going"

Ding Dong

"I'll get it"

"Good Evening Josh"

"Hello Mrs McGarry, Mr McGarry"

"Your Dad's not home yet?"

"No Sir but he called to say he'd only be a few minutes, Mom's in the dining room"

"You're watching the V.P. debate"

"Yes Sir"

"So who's your money on?"

"Not that guy?"

"Why?"

"He's making no sense – he's saying they're going to cut taxes but not spending and the tax cut will only effect about 10 of top earners anyway – his numbers don't add up"

"Taking Poli Sci this year kid?"

"Finished, I'm taking the A.P. class from next semester"

"And then?"

"Harvard, then law school like Dad"

"You want to practice?"

"I don't know maybe…"

"Or maybe you'll be standing up there in a few years"

"You first Mr McGarry, you first"

28 years later and I spent this evening watching an old friend of my fathers taking the stage as the Democratic Party's nominee for Vice President. My apartment is cold and dark, I flick the television on to MSNBC and they're rerunning post debate analysis. I flick on the light at the side of the couch. Donna bought that seven years ago, she didn't want the main light to disturb me if I was sleeping and she was reading. I walk into the kitchen and flick on the coffee maker - it's seven years old too, maybe I should replace it but I've never wanted to – hey it makes coffee doesn't it? Donna bought it when I was allowed to drink coffee again, to replace the one she ruled had to be thrown out to stop me making it when I wasn't supposed to. When I say Donna bought it, I think she may still have my credit card. It's still cold in here, I'm sure I had a comforter blanket thing – no I threw it out last fall…

I hit the play button on the answer machine:

You have four new messages, and twenty-two saved messages

"Joshua, Call your mother" Message Saved

"Hey man, he did a good job. Get some sleep at some stage, you know, if you remember what that is…" Message Saved

"Hey J, what the hell was that response on the right to…" Message Deleted

"Hey, it's me, just checking in…" Returning the Call

"Hey"

"Hey"

"How are you doing?"

"Good"

"How's Houston?"

"Chilly"

"Helen's pissed?"

"You could say that"

"Yeah, well you know all about it"

"Just one of the many bonuses that came with working for you Josh"

"Three times if I remember correctly, a state dinner, after an Ambassador's reception and both of those pictures followed the Karen.."

"Yes Thank you Josh"

"Hey the Lyman…"

"Ho's"

"... fan club were always interested in my date's attire and when anything… you know… slipped"

"I wasn't your date Josh"

"No…"

"… and I wasn't the wife of a presidential candidate"

"Yes but Helen didn't… you know… make a pass at a leading D.C. journalist by throwing her little bits at her feet"

"You're funny Josh, sometimes you're really funny"

"That tone would indicate that this isn't one of those times"

"You read me so well"

"Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you still have your name sewn…"

"I'm going now…"

"Sorry… Did you catch C.J.?"

"Yes, for a few minutes"

"That sounds more enthusiastic"

"It didn't before?"

"You're avoiding things with a question again"

"Does that irritate you?"

"Does Stanley let you do it?"

"Is your name Stanley?"

"Donna!"

"Yeah sorry, Leo did well"

"Yeah, I wanted to kiss someone!"

"I bet that pleased Lou"

"Why Lou?"

"My superior intuition"

"Why not Annabeth?"

"Sultry burnette politico types are more your style"

"You think?"

"I do"

"She gave me a death glare"

"Well you can't go to Tahiti we're only five weeks from the general"

"Hawaii's a state we could go there"

"I'm sure Lou will be delighted"

"You know I'm kidding right?"

"I guess"

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing"

"Donna?"

"I said nothing Josh"

"My mom called"

"Tell her I said hi"

"and Sam"

"Sam Sam?"

"Yeah"

"He should come join us"

"Otto needs a Toby"

"Sam should be Toby to Otto's Sam"

"I am more than slightly disturbed I followed that piece of Moss logic"

"You're tuned to me Josh"

"That concerns me"

"You don't want to be tuned?"

"I… ah… where's next?"

"Austin, then meeting you guys in Tampa"

"You sleeping?"

"Is it cold in DC?"

"Did you avoid that intentionally?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Donna!"

"It's happened a couple of times over the last few nights. A Suicide bomb in Jerusalem in the news cycle and the footage caught me off guard."

"Why didn't you call?"

"It was 4:00 a.m., you had enough on with Montgomery, Stackhouse and Goodwin"

"Next time call"

"'Kay"

"Is it still the same?"

"More or Less"

"More or Less?"

"The President told me they prayed for me – Ellie, Zoë, Mrs Bartlet…"

"Yeah"

"He told me Ellie had a cat"

"Did it pray too?"

"Can you not be you for just one second?"

"O.K."

"It died and Ellie ran away…"

"Yeah"

"…but she couldn't run away from it"

"No"

"She had to face it"

"Yeah"

"I shouldn't have ran away"

"Sometimes it's the easy option"

"You're giving me an out?"

"Not intentionally"

"I shouldn't have ran away"

"No"

"I should have stayed and talked to you"

"I wasn't listening"

"I could have made you listen"

"How?"

"I had ways Josh"

"Really?"

"Yes"

"Do any of those ways involve your equipment or your old catholic school uniform?"

"You're sick, you're a sick sick sick man Josh"

"Donna, your mistake wasn't running"

"No?"

"No"

"What was it?"

"It was running in the wrong direction"

"I didn't think I had anywhere else to run"

"You did you know…"


	7. Chapter 7

I've lost count of often I've regretted not starting out with this campaign. As soon as I knew Josh had taken on someone the pangs started, as soon as I met Matt Santos they intensified. Why didn't I leave? I'd done it before. I could have gone back, cap in hand. 'Josh, I'm sorry I was wrong, I'm standing here in my wrongness and being wrong.' Pride - pride comes before a fall, pride is a sin, pride is what makes you hold on to a mistake, pride is what makes you try to prove someone wrong when every fibre of your consciousness is screaming you're wide of the mark. I should have known better. We're holed up in Tampa, Florida, four weeks from the general.

Life is full of 'what ifs' What if I never went to New Hampshire? What if Josh hadn't hired me? What if West Virginia White Pride had struck a few inches higher? What if I hadn't been there that Christmas? What if I'd said to hell with Charlie, Toby, Will and Danny Concannon one night in the snow? What if I'd been sitting where Fitz was? What if?

What if Russell had won the nomination? What if what I was doing had contributed to that? It would have. What if?

"Donna"

"Mrs Santos, Do you need something?"

"No, just stretching my legs, they've just had to release pressure in the auxiliary building. Are you busy?"

"Busy avoiding the press"

"You're good at what you do"

"Avoiding the press?"

"No, briefing, speaking to the press, you're very natural"

"Thank you"

"May I ask you something that's been bothering me?"

"Of course"

"If I'm being to personal…"

"Please…"

"Why is my husband your second choice?"

"I'm sorry?"

"You worked for Russell, why is my husband your second choice?"

"I'm…"

"You worked for Josh. Right?"

"Yes"

"So why Russell?"

"He was the party's frontrunner; I didn't know the congressman was running"

"You knew Josh wasn't supporting him…. Russell I mean"

"Yes"

"Josh told you he was supporting Matt?"

"No, I'd …. gone….before…he…he"

"Josh didn't tell you what he was intending to do?"

"No"

"You were very supportive of Russell"

"Campaigns demand loyalty"

"And you were loyal to Russell"

"My job demanded it"

"Donna, are you planning to give me a straight answer anytime soon?"

"Campaigns demand loyalty Mrs Santos…. J… Someone taught me that… Mine were…mine were divided… especially after I met your husband."

"Really?"

"I heard him discuss stem cell research one evening with a congressman who held a different opinion… he…he inspired me…"

"But you stayed with Russell?"

"The Russell campaign gave me an opportunity, I felt I had to take it at the time and I glad of the opportunity it gave me"

"So you think Russell would have been the stronger candidate?"

"Absolutely not… if experience in the white house teaches us anything it's that we don't know what the next President's going to face. And if we choose someone with vision, someone with guts, someone with gravitas, who's connected to other people's lives, and cares about making them better... if we choose someone to inspire us, then we'll be able to face what comes our way and achieve things...'"

"That was beautiful"

"I wish I could say it was mine"

"You're quoting?"

"I am"

"Who?"

"To…An old friend"

"Ah…"

"Mrs Santos, I believe in your husband, I believe in this campaign and I believe your husband will and should be the next president of the United States. I made a mistake, there's an importance in putting a man in the oval office, nothing is more important I should have remembered that and it's my job to convince every vote of that, so that they realise and not take the decision to support a man as lightly as I did in the beginning. I was wrong. We all have regrets; we all have 'What ifs'"

"Does Josh know you feel that way?"

"I don't think so"

"Maybe he should"

"Mrs Santos?"

"And if you take the blanket off that one then maybe you can deal with why since you joined the campaign I've seen Josh Lyman actually laugh with people and why his eyes are drawn to you every time you walk in a room."

"We just know each other well Mrs Santos"

"I'm a perceptive woman Donna, you continue to believe that if you have to"

"We're in the middle of presidential campaign I'm not sure I can get into…"

"A campaign can't be somewhere you can do two things"

"I used to think so"

"If you don't anymore…well… we have been discussing your mistakes"

"Yes Mrs Santos…"

"I'm glad you're with us Donna, my husband sings your praises but I've doubted, I'm sorry about that, I could see us being friends, I'm sorry if I was blunt…"

"There is nothing wrong with bluntness Mrs Santos, just never in front of the press"

"That, Donna is advice I will take on board, I'd better be getting back"

"Hey"

"Oh my good god…. Someone needs to get you a bell Josh"

"No, no, no, no, no, no"

"Why?"

"'Cause I'd miss out on so much information"

"That you get from eavesdropping into other people's conversations?"

Josh just shrugged his shoulders and smirked. Why, oh why oh why do I find that sexy, it's arrogant, it's annoying… it's…. it's… so damn sexy…

"How much did you hear?"

"Enough"

"You're not going to tell me are you?"

"You could torture it out of me?"

"You're not that lucky"

"I do you know"

"What?"

"Smile more when you're around"

"I'm an hysterically funny person"

"And I saw how you used 'an' there properly"

"Josh!"

"Why don't the press pick this up it's been days… weeks…a decade Donnnnaaaaa!"

"Stop whining… It's been a few hours… do I need to tie you to a chair pumpkin patch?"

"Is that an offer?"

"You're not that lucky"

"Shame"

"You'd run a mile"

"I might run further… in your direction of course…"

"Really?"

"Absolutely, I've been waiting for you to proposition me for eight years"

"O.K., well should we, you know, take a walk or something?"

"Umm… Donna… the…"

"Told you"

"You caught me off guard"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…We could have a campaign fling"

"I've known you eight years Josh, it wouldn't be a fling"

"That's the only reason?"

"What?"

"Only reason that it won't be a fling?"

"Should there be another?"

"Another reason why it won't be a fling?

"Yes"

"There is another reason why it won't be a fling"

"Yes?"

"I'm not telling you that either"

"You know, Josh, there are times when, to put it quite frankly, I hate your breathing guts"

"You've told me that before"

"And I meant it"

"O.K."

"O.K."

"Donna?"

"Yeah"

"I heard the whole thing, I was standing behind that pillar when she walked up to you"

"Oh!"

"Yeah"

"O.K."

"O.K"

"And Donna, the next time you ask me to, you know, take a walk or something.."

"Yeah?"

"I'm going to take you up on it"

"O.K. This is getting wierd…Hang On?…Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"You said won't be a fling"

"Yeah?"

"You said won't?"

He's half way down the corridor now, he turns walking backwards and says:

"I did, didn't I? Three times… See ya"


	8. Chapter 8

I've lost count of often I've stood in a room and watched Donna work I've lost count of how many times I've been sitting behind a desk and looked up to see Donna watching me work. She used to say it was like a live poli sci class, it was like watching the world get better. It's been some time since she approached me with that much innocence. What Donna doesn't know is I've watched her too. She's always been methodical; I used to watch her at her desk in the bull pen. She'd take piles of paper off my desk and bring it to her own, suddenly coloured folders would appear, post it notes, and markers and she'd make short work out of making sense from my chaos. That's what she's always done – make sense from my chaos. 'If you can keep your head when all about you are loosing theirs and blaming it on you' you'll be a Donna, my son…

Tonight, however she's the reason for my chaos. Most of the times I've watched Donna, I've imagined what it would be like to walk up and kiss her. Every time she's come to me and said 'Poll results are in', 'We got them, Josh', 'The speaker just caved' I've wanted to pull her into my arms and kiss her. I've pulled her into my arms before; the night of the President's first state of the union after the MS broke was one of the many times I realised that someday I was going to really kiss Donna Moss. It only took me six years. The thing is, Donna is the one thing I can't mess up, I had six months of having her on the peripheries of my life and that's not where I want her. I realised watching her in a hospital bed in Germany that not having Donna in my life is just not an option. That's why it hurt so much when she walked out of the bullpen – I didn't realise that little sentiment wasn't mutual. Donna walked into my room this morning with the new Gallop polls and we're tied, for the first time since we brought this dark horse out of the stable, we're tied. Something clicked and I kissed her – it feels like the best thing I've ever done and the worst. The highest high because she kissed me back and the lowest low because what now? We patched up the friendship, but what if this doesn't work, what if after eight years of 'us' what if 'us' isn't what I imagine it to be? That's why I freaked for a second too long and Edie got to Donna's key before me.

I came back to my room about five minutes ago, I should have gone to Donna's but I guess I don't know what I'd say when I get there and you never ever go into a meeting without knowing what you want your outcome to be – never – and I don't. I turn and place the glass of Jack on the desk and take my laptop into the bathroom, plug it in to charge, walk back out into the empty room and fall on to the bed. I hear finger nails tap on the door of the room and I ease myself up from the bed and go to the door.

"Hey"

"Hi"

"Edie said…"

"Yeah?"

"No… well actually Lou was talking about…"

"Yeah?"

"I have no earthly excuse for being here"

"That's good to know"

"Can I come in?"

"You've never asked before"

"You've never stood in the door before"

"Oh… right… um come in…"

"So"

"So?"

"You apologised"

"To who? What for?"

"To whom and for what"

"You're critiquing my grammar?"

"'Who' as an indirect object following 'to' is 'whom' and you can't end a sentence with a preposition?"

"Is 'for' a preposition?"

"You're wandering"

"You started it"

"I…"

"I…"

"Sorry… You go first"

"No you"

"So?"

"That's a start"

"You can do better?"

"No"

"We've broken this again haven't we?"

"Broken what?"

"This. Us?"

"Us?"

"Yes. Us"

She's sitting on the bed with her head on her hands, her elbows balanced on her knees. It's the same stance I remember from the bus weeks back.

"I'm in one piece. Are you?"

"That's not what I mean Josh"

"It's what I'm asking"

"You're not making any sense"

"I'm asking you if you're in one piece"

"I suppose… what does that mean?"

"Ah you see you ask because you've never heard the story of Fishhooks McCarthey…"

"Is that a Josh person or a real person?"

"… someone once told me he was a corrupt politician on the Lower East Side in the '20s. Every morning he stopped at the St. James Church on Oliver Street and said the same prayer: 'O Lord, give me health and strength. We'll steal the rest…"

"Not that there needs to be but do you have a point?"

She's grinning at me and I know she remembers…

"You've got health and strength. Both of which, coincidentally, I prayed for after seeing a suburban blow into the air"

"Yeah"

"You forgot the reference to Kryptonite"

"Josh"

"What do you think we broke?"

"This…us… we've been teetering on the top of the cliff for years and this feels like we jumped?"

"Yeah… but if we hold hands on the way down we won't break when we hit the bottom"

"So the fall's not gonna kill us?"

"Not if we're in it together"

"Why did you apologise?"

"I… I didn't want a sexual harassment law suit"

"Josh!"

"Seriously Donna… as I seem to have to keep reminding you I am your boss and legally…"

"Legally?"

"Yes legally…"

"Legally I should have sued your ass when you made me dress up as a German cocktail waitress"

"That was for charity"

"You keep hiding behind it"

"Charity?"

"Josh!"

"Sorry"

"You keep hiding behind the fact you're my boss, that's your excuse for pulling away every time…"

"Every time?"

"That Christmas, that night in your office, the last inauguration, when I came back from Germany – this light seems to suddenly switch on which says 'hey what am I doing she's just an assistant I can't get involved with…'"

"You honestly think that?"

"What?"

"You honestly think that it was your resumé that held me back?"

"Yes"

"Donna, if I'd touched you in the white house you'd have got dragged through the papers, not me, you… I wasn't prepared to do that to you"

"No…"

"That and C.J., Leo, Toby, and probably the President would have buried me alive in the rose garden"

"Josh!"

"Donna, it wasn't your resumé - you were the smartest, brightest, most loving, most intelligent woman I knew…"

"You knew C.J, you know Dr Bartlet, you know Lou"

"Your point being?"

"I…can't be…"

"Donna, I held back because I can't mess this up with you, it's not an option"

"Apologising wasn't a good start"

"I know… but I was grinning"

"You were"

"You noticed?"

"I did… I also noticed that you've been in a good mood all day"

"Nothing could kill my mood right now"

"Rehab?"

"Have you been talking to C.J.?"

"Girls talk Josh"

"Fantastic"

"Smack high uhh?"

"I wasn't talking about you"

"You so were"

"Maybe… Donna all I've wanted to do for many years was exactly what I did this morning"

"So it wasn't just another odd moment?"

"We have odd moments?"

"You're half of this 'we' there has to be something odd about it"

"You see there you go again"

"What?"

"Insulting me"

"I play to my strengths"

"Really?"

"Of course"

"So do I"

"Really?"

I move over and sit down beside her on the bed and tuck a piece of hair that's fallen out behind her ear. My other hand is resting on the bed just at the small of her back. I lean in slightly and I can still detect the scent of the shampoo she used this morning…

"That's why I'm going to do this again"

I lean in and my lips meet hers, gently at first then I feel her lips part beneath mine and I bring my free hand to the back of her neck and softly deepen the kiss. I can feel her respond her finger nails moving up my back rubbing against the stiff cotton of my shirt. We break the kiss but she doesn't move away. I lean my forehead against hers and I can see her smiling.

"We're not broken Donna, we're just getting started"


	9. Chapter 9

I've lost count of how often I've crossed state lines in the last 10 months – it should be automatic now right? Something I do without thinking, without paying attention. I've travelled quite a bit in the last decade but it's still not something I do without at least recognising it's happening. Yes, I am the girl who sat in the back of her parents car on family vacations and saw the sign saying 'You're now entering South Dakota' or Texas or Alabama and started a countdown. 5-4-3-2-1-Way hey!

My apartment is let to a very nice if slightly animated woman from treasury so even when in D.C. I've been living in hotel rooms – it takes me back. When I first told this to my family and friends back in Wisconsin many years ago, they were open mouthed with awe and maybe a touch of envy - until - late one night I rang my mom just when we'd got in and let it slip that as I hadn't been in one place long enough over the previous three weeks I was currently washing my underwear in the bathtub of my boss's room in a Holiday Inn outside New Orleans. It took about a day for the Moss Madison grapevine to kick into action and from then on when I answered the obligatory 'where are you?' my answers were greeted with significantly less jealousy. We're two weeks out and still tied nationally neck and neck with Vinick. We came in from North Carolina to touch base at headquarters last night, this morning I'm heading to Chicago with the congressman.

In the last week, since we drew level, I've seen Josh for all of maybe twenty minutes. So since the fateful night when Edie saved me – and I'm quoting her here - from the fate of him landing in my room at eleven thirty, talking about media strategy for the last leg and taking up residence, Josh and I have hardly spoken. When I looked up that night and saw him looking back at me for a split second I thought 'hell I went too far', then I remembered that the forces of heaven and earth have conspired to keep us well and truly apart since we met.

I must admit there was a time when I thought the forces of heaven and earth might have been named Leo McGarry and C.J. Cregg but I've long since come to terms with that piece of paranoia. I digress… there's always been something in our way. When I thought something was going to happen one April the president announced his MS to senior staff a few days later. On a certain January night when I thought again, the President announced a major shift in foreign policy, sent troops into Qumar, it became a work night, the moment passed and along came Amy Gardner. When I looked into his eyes in Germany and saw something again an Irish photo journalist walked into the room and the moment passed. With all of this as precedent it really wasn't too hard to believe that fate had plotted once more and Edie had picked up the key.

There's part of me still thinks I'm dreaming when I remember we've taken a step to change things. When I remember I'm not, the feeling swings between sheer elation and blind terror. You see I've let myself fall in love with Josh Lyman before, OK maybe it's never been expressed in that way before but I have let myself fall. When it's become obvious that the path I thought we were on was going to twist beyond all recognition, I've picked up the pieces. This time I'm scared there won't be enough pieces left to pick up. My head's saying 'protect yourself Donna', concentrate on the campaign, work puts you in control, work can't hurt you. My heart's saying 'finally'. My heart's been wrong before.

As I open the door to the open plan main floor of the Santos McGarry Campaign's nerve centre, the noise contrasts sharply with the quiet corridor. I make my way to Ronna's desk to pick up the latest schedule, Lester shouts 'Donna' from across the room, I raise my hand in his direction and pick up one of the three ringing phones, realising a second too late it's Josh's cell.

"Santos McGarry Campaign, Josh Lyman's Phone"

"Is Josh there?"

"Tob…"

"Don't say it Donna, if there's anyone standing within twenty feet of you don't say it"

"Are you OK?, How are you doing? You're in contact with Josh?"

"Would you like to pick one of those for me to answer or are you leaving me a free choice?"

I perch on the side of the desk, looking around I can see Josh in one of the glass sided offices gesturing widely at a white board, marker in hand. Everyone else in the room is absorbed in calls or documents, no one's paying attention to me.

"How are you doing?"

"Just swell. How are you?"

"If there's anything…?"

"Yeah…"

"You're in contact with Josh?"

"He didn't mention anything?"

"No"

"O.K. then"

"You've spoken to him?"

"Yeah"

"O.K."

"Can you ask him to call me?"

"He's in with the congressman, Lou and Leo I think"

"Where are you heading this week?"

"To…"

"Bob"

"Pardon?"

"Call me Bob"

"Bob, I'm not sure if I ca…"

"You need code word clearance for a campaign schedule Donna? Scared I might leak it?"

"I was going to say I'm not sure if I can find it, Ronna's desk is a bit overcrowded"

"I'm sorry"

"You should be"

"Don't pull any punches on my account"

"I'll tell Josh you called"

"I'm not a danger to him Donna"

"I never thou…"

"You're still protecting him?"

"I'm doing my job… T…Bob"

"I know"

"You're doing O.K? Really?"

"I'm splendid in my isolation"

"The kid's are o.k.?"

"Yeah"

"Good, I'd better… you know…"

"Yeah"

"O.K. Bye the…"

"Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"I just want to say… you did… not badly… with the abortion thing... hitting Vinick from both sides You handled it… well. You're handling what you're doing well… Josh was right to bring you in"

"Lou did it"

"Yeah"

"Yeah"

"Tell…"

"I will"

"Bye then"

"Bye"

I start to put the cell down on the desk, when it rings again. Habit born of long practice automatically drives me to hit the answer key.

"Josh Lyman's phone"

"I was just trying to catch him, if he's busy I'll leave a message on his home machine"

"He's in with someone Mrs Lyman, I can ask him to call you"

"Donna? Darling is that you?"

"Yes…yes it is"

"I never thought I'd hear you answer again"

"I was standing beside the desk; it seemed natural"

"It would dear… you did it for a long time"

"Is everything alright? Do you need anything urgently? If I can…"

"No, no, no I haven't heard from him in a few weeks and I know he's in D.C. today so I thought I try and call in"

"I'll tell him you called"

"He thought he'd lost you"

"I…"

"He's looking good? Not too tired?"

"He's…"

"I shouldn't be asking you this. It's not your job to…"

"He's looking fine Mrs Lyman, a little lacking in sleep but he seems O.K. Thriving on it"

"He's seemed happier the last few months"

"We're picking up momentum; he's done a marvellous thing"

"He has. I won't keep you Donna, I know you must be busy"

"It's lovely to speak to you, I'm glad I answered"

"I am too dear, I've missed talking to you, so did…well I think I'd be over stepping the mark if I finished that. Look after hi… well I'm not sure I should finish that either."

"I will Mrs Lyman, as best I can"

"You're a good girl Donna"

"You take care, you have my cell still if there's anything you need and you can't contact Josh?"

"I didn't know if I could…"

"Anytime"

"Thank you dear, goodbye"

"Goodbye"

For a second time I bring the phone down from my ear to the desk. Just as my hand leaves the surface of the desk, the distinctive first few notes of Josh's ring tone begin again. I flip over the phone and check the caller i.d.

"Sam!"

"I'm sorry I think I may have called an incorrect number"

"You're looking for Josh?"

"Yes… Who is?… Donna?"

"Hey Sam"

"You're answering Josh's cell?"

"I was walking past the desk, I picked it up the first time and now I seem to be in the trap"

"Honey or Venus fly?"

"It's sweet talking to you Sam so I'll say honey"

"Be careful it doesn't get too sticky"

"I…"

"You're looking well"

"You can see me?"

"Not at this exact moment, briefings, interviews"

"Oh O.K…thank you"

"You're good up there"

"Thank you again"

"Didn't we ever tell you not to engage a chi…?"

"I swear Sam if you say chicken I will start talking about fireplaces"

"That was Josh"

"So was the chicken!"

"I thought you were going to pluck the feathers right…"

"Set fire to any government buildings in California Sam?"

"O.K. O.K…. so… I heard about last week?"

"He told you?"

"We get MSNBC in California Donna?"

"You mean the Gallop poll?"

"Yes… What else happened last week?"

"Nothing"

"Donna… is something going on?"

"No"

"Is a Josh thing going on?"

"You sound like C.J."

"I've had worse insults… what's going on?"

"Nothing Sam"

"Has something finally happened between you too?"

"No, of course not… why…why would you think?"

"Because he's not your boss anymore"

"He is actually, he reminds me quite frequently…"

"Yes but not in the same way… you know if something were to…"

"Sam!"

"I know… but if…"

"Sam… you have a romantic soul…"

"…but a realistic head"

"Idealistic?"

"…realistic… age and conscience wearies the ideals of us all"

"You should come join us"

"…and a presidential campaign kills them stone head"

"So that's a no?"

"That's a my fiancée would kill me"

"Congratulations… you think you'll marry this one?"

"You have spent way too much time with Josh Lyman. You used to be such a lovely girl"

"I'm sorry Sam… I mean… sincerely congratulations"

"I haven't told Josh"

"Should I ask why?"

"No"

"O.K then…"

"Donna, he rang me from Landstuhl"

"Thank you for the card and the note… I'm sorry I never replied properly…"

"You don't want to talk about this?"

"Not really Sam"

"O.K… but you're O.K."

"I'm good"

"Good… next time you're down here… come by"

"Next time I'm down there without an over packed schedule and a press pack on my tail I will"

"Look after him"

"His mom already said that"

"Well it's your job"

"It's really not Sam"

"It wasn't as his assistant and it isn't as his media person speaking thingy…"

"They let you write for the President?"

"It remains a constant source of amazement… it isn't as his media person… it is as his friend. Your friends again right?"

"Yeah"

"Then look after him Donna"

"I'll try"

"That's a better answer, tell him to look after you too"

"That really isn't his job"

"He'd beg to differ"

"Maybe.. bye Sam"

"Bye Donna"

I place the phone down on the desk, determined to walk away this time, when I look up I look straight into Josh's grinning face.

"You're answering my cell?"

"I was walking past"

"And it just jumped into your hand?"

"It was a ringing phone"

"Which demanded to be answered?"

"It was a ringing phone!"

"O.K. Anyone important?"

"Your mom"

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah, you haven't called her a couple of weeks"

"And she's not eating in case her mouth's full when I do?"

"Josh! That isn't nice. Your mom never complains about you ignoring her"

"I don't ignore my mom"

"Call her later"

"Yeah, Anyone else"

"Sam"

"Sam called?"

"Yeah, no message"

"''Kay and?"

"Bob"

"B…b…bob?"

"Yes Bob"

"Right… Did you talk to him?"

"Yes"

"O.K."

"Be careful"

"You think To…Bob would do anything to harm this campaign?"

"I think if the press get wind he's practically working for you, they'll make a big deal out of it"

"He told you he was helping the campaign?"

"No"

"Then?"

"Certain plays you've called and decisions you've changed your mind on have had a certain Bobesque quality"

"I couldn't just have been my brilliance?"

"As much as that's a possibility Josh…"

"It isn't?"

"No"

"'Kay… He's been cut out Donna… he can't speak to…people, he's facing prison for…"

"You're a good friend Josh"

"I just…"

"I know"

"I might get out of here before midnight tonight, we could…?"

"I'm heading to Chicago with the Congressman as soon as we get out of here, then somewhere with Leo and Annabeth"

"Where?"

"Where ever is written on the schedule when I find it on this desk"

"Hold on a minute… you…YOU don't know exactly where you're going?"

"Josh!"

"No I mean Ms 'Really Josh you should know where you're headed' doesn't know where she's going?"

"Yeah… yeah… get it off your chest"

"Seriously Donna – you're an organisational freak and you can't remember your schedule?"

"You are calling me names? …I've got note cards telling me who's involved in the events, what the talking points are for the stump and a list of local issues– I'm well prepared"

"You just don't know where the local issues are?"

"I will do as soon as I…?"

"When do you catch up with the main campaign?"

"I meet the congressman in Chicago yet again seven days out, you should be on the plane when we meet it in St Louis the next day well…next night actually. You see I know that bit"

"So I'll see you in St Louis"

"You're singing that aren't you"

"No…"

"In your head… you're singing that"

"I'm… don't you have somewhere you need to be?"

"I do actually"

"Bye then.. call me?"

"Of course"

My head is saying 'protect yourself Donna', concentrate on the campaign, work - work puts you in control, work can't hurt you. My heart's saying 'finally'. My heart's been wrong before.


	10. Chapter 10

I've lost count of how often I've woken up with Donna. It used to be normal for me to catch a nap on campaign buses and wake up sleeping on her shoulder, 'crushing' – I'm quoting – her against the window. I remember lying in a hospital bed, barely hearing her voice and knowing I had to wake up because she was telling me to, telling me I wasn't allowed to leave her. I remember feeling her fingers on my forehead through a fog of pain. I've woken up with other people and still somewhere in my head wanting Donna's to be the first voice I heard…

I've dreamt about waking up with Donna. When she stayed with me that summer I dreamt about waking up with her and the mornings it actually happened, when we'd fallen asleep watching a movie or she heard me in the night and stayed, somewhere in my head I recognised that that was wanted I wanted my future to be.

I've dreamt about what would happen before the waking up too. I've dreamt about the feel of her skin, the feel of her touch, being able to touch her and not have it just be a gesture I had to force myself to pull away from. What happened last night bettered every dream I'd had in that area. From the second she walked into my arms it felt right. Sam and Lisa had been friends since college and I remember asking him once if when he finally 'made the move' had it seemed weird or wrong. His reply was 'at first but you get there' with Donna it wasn't like that I thought it just felt right from the start.

When I woke from a contented satisfied slumber, I felt her head on my chest, fingers laying lightly along faded scar line, her right leg entwined in mine. I kissed her forehead and moved my fingers along the pale underside of her breast.

"Don't wake me up"

"How're you feeling?"

"Amazing"

"I need to check Edie's report from Bram"

"That's not very romantic"

I think she's asleep again by the time I get to the bathroom door. I checked Reuters, then A.P. and replied to Edie, Ronna, Annabeth and Lester, my thumbs dancing quickly over the Blackberry key pad.

When I walked back into the bedroom the picture had changed. Donna, with the sheet curled tightly around her, had moved to the edge of the bed, leaving the space she had occupied bare and empty. Her breathing was forced slow and even giving away fake sleep. I walked around the bed lifting the sheet and lay down. I reached out for her and then stopped myself or something in her body language stopped me. I did that a few times before she got up an hour later, dressed 'for warmth' and ran out to get coffee. I'd asked her how she was feeling expecting, hoping to jog the memory of the 'amazing' I'd heard in my arms – No – just an 'I want to win this thing' and away.

I didn't want to make it awkward and I don't know what I did to make it awkward. I answered my cell to Lou and Ronna after Donna went out and five minutes later my room was full of insomniac campaign staff. The early morning hours passed and we moved from my room to the war room. I met Donna in the hallway; autopilot switched on and came out with a comment about the 'walk of shame'. I vaguely remember giving a speech. I have no idea what I did to make it awkward and I needed to get away from the 'walk of shame' comment, I gave her space until my cell went with her telling me exit polls had arrived.

I'd teased her weeks ago about accepting her next invitation for a walk and lying next to her, feeling content again and maybe slightly smug. We are us and lying here it feels like the 'us' I thought we'd be – give us half an hour and I may not be sure again. Donna giggled while I checked what Edie meant my 'having her', I took my shorts from her toe and seeing her grinning this seems easy. I came back in the room, crawled over the bed and kissed the grin from her face, grabbing her waist pulling her on to me and tickling her sides.

"You're laughing at me"

"You're tickling me"

"You were laughing at me before"

"Do I 'have' her?"

"Masterful use of the English language I thought"

"Have you 'had' me then?"

"Well the noises you were making would indicate…"

"I don't make noise"

"Oh but you do"

"I.. "

"Never made noise before… is that it.. I really am…?"

"You are 'da' man… You want to have this conversation?"

"No"

"I could give you a run…"

"I prefer to think you had a platonic relationship with every gomer in D.C."

"It wasn't every gomer…I didn't have that kind of time…"

"I know"

"Yeah you know…"

"That was one of my better plans…"

"I knew what you were trying to do…"

"I know"

"Just as long as you know I only went along because I wanted to"

"I had you wrapped around my little finger"

"If delusion gets you through the day Joshua"

"Making good use of a hotel room while we have it might make it go quicker"

"We'll have to see what we can do about that… I need to go… you know… work"

With that she walked out of the room, I finished dressing and followed with Minnesota numbers in my hand. 'You think they're out?" asks Lou. "I think the new pollster law is influencing them" I reply dropping the papers onto the desk.

"Hey Kid"

"Hey"

"Walk with me"

"When did you get in?"

We head out of the crowded room and down they corridor towards the main lobby.

"About half an hour ago… I'm gonna take an hour and I'll see you when the congressman gets here"

"You alright?"

"Yeah just something I ate last night, been on hotel food too long"

"You live in a hotel Leo"

"Yeah but I don't eat there"

"Right"

"How you holding up?"

"I'm fine"

"Your head's not going to explode"

"No, I'm dealing with it"

"So I heard"

"Sorry…what? You heard? What room are you in? We weren't loud! Well maybe she was a bit…"

"Josh… I don't and I don't want to know where that statement came from"

"You heard?"

"I heard you were dealing with it"

"'Kay"

"How is Donna?"

"She's…great…yeah…fine…good…perfect…ah… on…spinning on some news channel"

"Oh pull yourself together would you please"

"I'm trying"

"Yeah, you know Josh I'm not tempting anything here so don't spit or curse or whatever it is you do… Matt Santos is a good man and he'll be a good president but I've known Jed Barlet thirty years…"

"And he's your guy..."

"He's my guy… You'll put men in the white house after Matt Santos and I helped put men in the white house before Jed Bartlet" 

"Best thing I ever did Leo, get on the train to New Hampshire, you let me in on your guy"

"Yeah… I've known him 30 years and daily he fights the demons with the better angels in his head"

"Toby said that"

"Yeah"

"He also said that for the first time in a long time we were in with a chance of the better angels winning"

"Yeah"

"You know what it is about him that gives the better angels their chance?"

"What?"

"He's got Abbey"

"Yeah"

"He's a good man Josh and Abbey makes him better, he's the president he is because she makes him the man he is"

"Leo?"

"She's your Abbey"

"You telling me to run for President Leo?"

"Situation Room will never be ready for that…Not in this decade…"

"'Kay"

"You got her back, do this right"

"I'm trying"

"Yeah… Don't screw this up"

"Leo!"

"I'm serious…don't… says the divorced guy"

"That make the advice better or worse?"

"Look after that girl Josh, she's been there a…"

"If I'd done anything about it…you'd have transferred me to the Yukon…"

"Na…"

"Really?"

"U.S. Ambassador to Siberia, Outer Mongolia maybe"

"We don't have an embassy in Outer Mongolia, the guy flies in from…"

"Why do I even talk to you?"

"Beats me"

"See ya later Kid… Omnes una…"

"…manet nox… See you later Leo"

I walk back to the war room and suddenly occurrs to me that I don't know where to take this thing with Donna 'Don't screw it up' yeah… and how do I do that… or not do that. I know where it's going in my head but I don't know how to get there? What if that isn't what Donna wants? She pulled back, closed down last night – what do I do with that? This thing's swinging from right to not right like a pendulum on a grandfather clock. I didn't expect to be thinking about this today. What with that train of thought and the numbers not adding up, my head may actually explode. What is it with exit polls; surely pollsters know to vary who they approach? I sit and read exit data, I answer my cell when it rings every second minute, I hear pollsters spinning on CNN, talking heads calling raw data and close races. I'm here what must be a good hour and none of this is adding up, none of it.

I feel the pressure building in the back of my head and I hear Ronna and Annabeth talk blogs. I can see Donna watching me out of the corner of her eye and I try to push the feeling back, get control when it blows. Temper releases like a geyser, 'Old Faithful' blowing in time to Beethoven's fifth. I don't know what I said, I don't know to whom I said it. I walk out into the cold evening air and I hear the door behind me again. I know it's Donna and I slowly make my way over to the railing.

"What are you doing out here?"

"I've been appointed"

"To what?"

"To make sure your head's not actually going to explode,"

I can feel her voice calm me as she tells me that the numbers never add up and that today's finally here.

"There's nothing left to do, Josh"

"Yeah"

"So?"

"So?"

"We could go to the movies or something?"

"Yeah… my catch a ball game"

"How does it compare?"

"To a ball game?"

"You do that on purpose Josh"

"To other election days?"

"Yeah"

"Well I've done something today I wanted to do on the last two"

"Really?"

"Really"

"And what might that be"

"You know… run the thing"

I'm grinning at her and she knows I kidding.

"Funny man"

"I'm sorry I screwed it up this morning… shame has nothing to do with what I'm thinking. There's so much going on, I don't know what I'm thinking but I not thinking 'shame'…."

"'Kay"

"Thank you for coming out, for being appointed"

"I appointed myself"

"'Kay"

"I find it gets me to where I want to be with you at any given time"

"Yeah well… you valuably just talked me down from a nutty'

"Always said I could be valuable"

"You are"

"Thanks… We should go in"

"Yeah – I still think it should be warm – it's Texas…"

"It's November"


	11. Chapter 11

I've lost count of how many hands I've shaken, condolences I've accepted and press gauntlets I've run in the last hour. Santos has just taken the stage in the ballroom downstairs and instead of staying I walk back up to the deserted war room. I see Josh finish off the electoral math and turn to look at the picture board.

"Thanks Boss"

"Josh?"

"Hey… come here"

I walk over to him and he wraps his arms around me mirroring the embrace in the room earlier. He looks up at me, leans in again and slowly I feel his lips cover mine. It's not a passionate kiss, it's not a deep kiss but he touches something deep inside me. I feel my heart split and I give him a little bit more before he pulls away from me again.

"I wanted to do that earlier…Thank you"

"For?"

"You called C.J…. I should have had Otto or Ronna do it, it wasn't your job to…"

"I wanted to Josh, I wouldn't have wanted anyone else…"

"As long as you don't think I assumed you would"

"He loved you like a son Josh, you were family all of you, I wouldn't want C.J. or Margaret to hear from anyone else"

"My mom, she shouldn't have heard it from CNN"

"She didn't, I called her from the hospital"

"'Kay, good, Thanks"

"I called Sam and Toby as well, I couldn't bear the thought of them hearing it on television"

"Thank you, will Sam come up? Can Toby even go to the f…"

"We'll make sure he can"

"I need to help Mallory with the arrangements"

"The protocol office is going to help both of you as much as you need, I gave them contact details, Mallory said Thursday of next week"

"We need a eulogy; the president will want to delivery a eulogy, I don't want one of the speech writing shop doing it…"

"Sam and Toby are going to write it"

"The President can't talk to Toby"

"He called and asked Sam, Sam won't do it on his own, Sam's contacting Toby"

"It shouldn't be like this Donna"

"I know"

"He should be down there celebrating, holding Santos' hand and smirking"

"I know"

"He deserved this Donna"

"I know"

"He doesn't deserve a funeral where one of his closest friends probably can't go, definitely can't be a pall bearer. And where the so-called 'family' he's had for the last decade can't even all sit in a room together and remember him without it threatening the constitution. When did it get this hard Donna? It used to be easy"

"He told C.J. that he had it easier than she did, With you and C.J. and Sam and Toby"

"We had good times"

"You remember the movie nights?"

"I remember the chilli parties, I remember standing talking to Leo and the President about C.J. and Mandy and Mrs Landingham and you and Carol and Margaret, We couldn't…"

"That was after a 'big block of cheese' day wasn't it?"

"How'd you know?"

"I caught you looking"

"At you?"

"Yeah"

"I'm not admitting anything"

"That's Ok"

"Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer of his White House had a big…"

"Block of cheese…"

"Yeah… I'm not sure I can do this Donna, I was supposed to be doing this with Leo."

"He was so proud of you, he had faith in you Josh"

"We were all at sea at the beginning; we couldn't even find our offices"

"Some of us gave interviews to 'Teen' magazine about the nuclear arsenal under the rose garden"

"Did you ever doubt that we could do it? Run the country, make things better?"

"Not for a single second"

"Neither did we. Toby, Sam, C.J. and I, Leo had us convinced, it took us four years to get even remotely disillusioned, It came from him Donna"

"Yeah, for me not so much"

"What?"

"Don't get me wrong Josh, I thought the world of Leo McGarry, but my belief was all in you, you created it, Josh you gave me that"

"And it took you four years to get disillusioned?"

"It took me nearly seven and a half, but even when I was disillusioned I still believed in you, I still believe in you"

"We followed Leo into the west wing…"

"…and these guys will follow you"

"He didn't think I did the right thing with Matt Santos"

"We should all have had more faith in you Josh"

"I tried to get me to get him to pull out"

"Yeah"

"I went against him"

"'Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice'"

"Who said that?"

"I did"

"Donna?!"

"I don't know, it's not attributed but… ask President Bartlet"

"You're as big a geek as he is"

"I think that little comment might get you beheaded for treason or something"

"Did you ever study Con Law?"

"I'm not talking about insulting the president; I'm talking about insulting me"

"Oh O.K. You met my father didn't you?"

"Once on a swing through Connecticut, we stopped off in Westpoint, you introduced me"

"The night he died the President asked me something about did my father like it that I was in politics?"

"He did"

"Yeah he did, that was Leo"

"What was Leo?"

"Me and politics… I took government and poli sci and everything but Leo made it come alive"

"He was proud of you Josh"

"Yeah maybe… when the president asked if my father liked that I was in politics you know what I said?"

"You wouldn't let me come with you so no"

"I said I thought he would have liked grandchildren more"

"Had he given up all hope?"

"I was 33 so no… but… I can't tell you this…"

"What Josh?"

"When we left that day, my father turned to my mother and said 'maybe we'll be getting those grand kids after all"

"What!?"

"Sorry I…"

"I have no idea what to say to that"

"Yeah I shouldn't have…"

"No I'm glad you did…"

"Mom told me that Leo told him if I was going to end up happy with anyone it would be you"

"You had just split with Mandy!"

"Yeah"

"So why? I mean, why me?"

"He saw you as bossy enough to convin…"

"Leo saw me as bossy?"

"The word may have been 'controlling'"

"No Joshua that would be your word"

"How's the party going downstairs?"

"Nice dodge…The congressman was just finishing up"

"President-elect"

"What?"

"He's the president-elect, not the congressman"

"You did that"

"I'm quite something"

"Say that with your usual swagger and I'll believe you"

"I don't 'swagger', what the hell is swagger?'"

"It's that thing you do with your hips"

"My hips?" 

"Hey, Joey Lucas isn't the only woman ever to notice you know"

"Notice?"

"The cutest little butt in professional politics"

"Joey is a very observant woman"

"Attention Houston, the ego has landed"

"She once suggested we poll 100 Donna's"

"Well that would have given you very sensible policy positions but why?"

"Because she thought it was becoming obvious you had the hots for me and wanted to cover"

"Hots? You're the next white house chief of staff and you talk like a frat boy"

"We should… you know… talk sometime"

"Yeah, but not tonight… sorry not this morning… this morning we go grab two hours sleep and head back to D.C."

"We?"

"I just…"

"Don't leave me tonight"

"I won't"

We stand up from the desk, as we leave the room I can feel Josh's hand guide me into the corridor. Josh and I have this rhythm, we go from the deepest, most heart rending conversation to wit and teasing in a heartbeat, I'm scared he's with me now because he needs me, when he doesn't need me any more when he reverts back to being 'Josh Lyman Political Animal' where does that leave me? My heart is still telling me it's so right, my head is telling me I need to protect myself. Last night when I woke up I knew it was too late. It killed me to curl against the far side of the bed, I nearly cracked when he asked me how I was feeling but my head told me it was the only way to make sure a bit of me would survive if all this goes wrong. I don't think it worked.


	12. Chapter 12

I've lost count of how often Sam and Toby's words have touched me. I remember from the first campaign thinking that the two of them would never work out, never mesh. I sat in a precinct office somewhere in either Iowa or New Hampshire watching Toby gripe over Sam's shoulder about punctuation and his predilection towards adverbs. I asked Sam later that night how he took Toby's criticism, his attitude and constant presence. He turned, looked up at me and smiled How do you take it from Leo? The challenging your viewpoints, not always seeing

your ideas, that's as personal to you as my writing is to me?', That's different' I replied Leo is the finest political mind I've ever known, it makes me better' Exactly' was his only reply.

So the President of the United States stood up and gave a eulogy to his friend of thirty years. Leo McGarry, Vice Presidential Candidate, Special Counsellor, White House Chief of Staff, decorated war veteran, shaped the face of every presidential election for the last quarter

century. Leo McGarry, father, grandfather, brother, uncle and friend his consul, candour, wit and wisdom shaped the lives he touched and through them the lives of those yet to come. Sam couldn't make it to D.C., Donna told me he called and couldn't get away from a deposition hearing but his name appeared as the by-line on Leo McGarry's obituary in the Washington Post. Danny Concanon credited him for both, reading and knowing full well the other wordsmith behind the lines – Danny's always been discrete.

We've been in D.C. four days, Donna stayed with me the night or should I say the two hours after we heard about Leo. She did exactly as my mom had done for my dad when my grandfather died. She took care of the practical, thinking of things before I did, I never had to ask her or tell her. Yet in all that she was there for me, a touch and a look here and there. When I came back to the hotel the campaign was still using to wind-up she was there. She seemed to know when I needed space and when she should just be there. She stayed in my hotel room until last night. The campaign officially wound up this morning. If I didn't know I loved Donna Moss, the last four days would have confirmed it.

I saw little of her today. She sat behind me in the cathedral with Charlie I think. I assumed she'd stay with me, to be honest I didn't think I even needed to offer. Every single time since I've known her she's turned up at my place when she's been between apartments. At

least once I came home to find her curled up on my couch, boxes of stuff filling the tiny space that passes for a hallway in my brownstone. She'd apparently forgot to tell me her building was being fumigated and she was staying with me for a week, she didn't think I'd mind. I didn't. Coming home any night after she'd left, especially after that summer, felt as lonely as coming home tonight had.

I open my door and throw my backpack down onto the hall table, kicking junk mail out of the way. I go to the kitchen and pour a glass of the only bottle of whiskey I have in the house. I flop onto the couch and flick on a news channel. They're playing clips of the funeral and

talking heads are reviewing the life of Leo McGarry in three minute bursts.

I must flick through channels in a daze for over an hour because as I look at the screen on my cell it's 2.00 a.m. I pick up a message from the President-elect I must have missed earlier confirming he's not supporting Fields. Did he listen to me? Just as I end the call to my

voicemail, the cell rings.

"Josh Lyman"

"Josh?"

"C.J.?"

"Josh, she told me not to, she told me it was fine but…"

"Donna?"

"Yeah, she woke up screaming…and…"

"I'm coming over"

"That's why I called"

I put my jacket back on, pull shoes from under the table and grab my keys. C.J. lives about three blocks away and it would take too long to find a cab at this time of the night, it doesn't even occur to me to drive. I arrive at C.J.'s door and her secret service detail stop me, do a quick body check and let me through. C.J. opens her door as I get to it and I walk straight past her to Donna sitting on an arm chair in the lounge.

"She called you"

"Yeah"

"You called him"

"Donna, I…"

"Why the hell shouldn't she have called me, why didn't you call me yourself?"

"Josh"

"C.J. just leave this to…"

"After the day you've had you didn't need me to be like…"

"That's exactly what I did need Donna"

"I'm sorry"

"Guys, I'm going to leave you two, I think you need… Josh, take my bed don't go home tonight"

"Thanks C.J."

"Thanks C.J."

"What started this Donna?"

"Josh?"

"Stupid question"

"No…well yeah"

"Tell me about it?"

"No!"

"Donna!"

"No!"

"Is it the same as before, you're back in the car?"

"Yeah"

"And?"

"and I feel it blow and I can see the face of a guy at the side of the road, I can see him flick something and as he does it, he stands up and fires a rifle"

"Do you still see Fitz"

"I feel so guilty about this, Fitz's face turns into yours and it's your eyes that get the blank, empty, dea…that look"

"I'm right here Donna, I'm going nowhere"

"I didn't want C.J. to call you"

"I glad she did and sorry you didn't"

"I wanted you to get some rest, you've had a hard day Josh"

"I didn't want to sleep without you there, I wanted you to come back with me, to be honest I didn't even think I needed to ask you to use my place…"

"I… didn't know… I thought you'd think I was pushing too hard and that you'd run a mile…"

"Does it look like I'm running anywhere?"

"Your shoes don't match"

"What?"

"Your shoes don't match, one's got a pattern on the toe, the other's plain"

"I kind of rushed out of the house"

"You must have been in a hurry"

"You were hurting"

"I was…"

"You know there's a couple of late night bars between here and mine"

"You think that we should go drinking?"

"No"

"Well then…?"

"They serve beer"

"Josh!"

"I'm just saying…"

"I'm glad you didn't stop"

"I would never stop… Donna what brought this on?"

"I've been thinking about what it would be like to lose you now"

"You're not going to lose me"

"I am"

"Donna you're not"

"I'm going to lose you to, to…"

"We'll talk about this another time, for now you need some sleep"

"O.K."

"O.K."

"Josh?"

"Yeah, I'm going to stay at C.J.'s for this week I mean, I need…"

"If that's what you want"

"I don't know I think…"

"Fine"

"Josh!"

"I said it's fine Donna now let's get some sleep"

"O.K."

I take Donna into C.J.'s guest room and lay her down on the bed climbing in behind her. I'm screwing this up and I don't know how I'm doing it. Donna's right I did and do need sleep tonight, I've got 1200 staff positions to fill in the next month, I'm not sure who I trust, Donna? Of course, but I can't seem to put a foot right there. I'm trying to tell her what this means to me and I'm messing it up. She fell back into work mode I want to win this thing', maybe that's

what she needs from me. I lie next to Donna, stoking her back as she falls off into sleep and I scan my head for who I want beside me to do this, one name fades in and out and I make a mental note to myself to get Otto to book me a flight to California.


	13. Chapter 13

I've lost count of how many uncharitable thoughts have passed through my head over the years in relation to Amy Gardner. I've always been a bit scared that deep down somewhere I envied her, envied what she'd done with her life, Brown and Yale, Emily's List, the WLC, envied her absolute confidence and belief in herself. There's something to be admired about committing yourself to a goal and pursuing that with everything you've got. Then of course I remember she's Amy Gardner and she's treated me with two-faced saccharine niceness since the day and hour we met. I saw her come into the transition offices earlier I'm trying to finish up a few things as I've got an appointment with Helen Santos in just over an hour and she breezed past my desk heading for the meeting room.

"Donna"

"Amy"

"How lovely to see you"

"You too"

"How do you like being in the thick of it?"

"Just fine"

"I was impressed with what you did, you backed the wrong horse and I never thought you'd walk out on Josh but hey you got yourself out there – I owe you kudos for that Donna really from secretary to press secretary in a year…"

"From Senior Assistant to Assistant Spokesperson"

"Can't believe you stuck it out with Josh for so long, I always knew you were better than an admin girl"

"Some people pay for a master class in politics Amy, I got mine at the coal face"

"Pity Josh can't use a computer I'm sure he's love to do you a diploma for your wall. So what corner of the west wing has he marked out for you?"

"We're in the middle of transition Amy, there's a cabinet to fill…"

"He hasn't spoke to you has he?"

"I'm sure he'll get to it… Lou, Edie, Lester we're all…"

"I'll give you this Donna you've more patience with him than I do. But then again you always did get him"

"I…"

"You never did answer me you know?"

"I'm sorry Amy, did you ask me a question? I'm trying to get through these pape…"

"I asked you if you were in love with Josh"

"Did you? I thought I would have heard that one"

"You think you're so smart don't you Donna?"

"As you pointed out Amy on my first day there would have been very little point in sabotaging the nails in my wall"

"Do you know how pathetic people thought you were? Trailing after your boss, he would never even look at you"

"Oh he looked"

"What?"

"Tell me Amy what annoyed you more the fact that I would never compete with you or the fact that if I had you couldn't compete?"

"What the hell?"

"Amy from what I hear you've been offered Legislative Director, I'm not interested in that position, we don't have to compete for it"

"It's way out of your league… Secretaries shouldn't get above their station"

"And what station would that be?"

"Mrs Santos!"

"Mrs Santos, This is Amy Gardner, she'll be joining Senior Staff"

"Ms Gardner"

"It's a honour M'am. I just…"

"My husband has mentioned you before. Donna, is he in? I want a few minutes with him before we meet"

"I believe he's with Barry Goodwin Mrs Santos, I'll check"

"So what is the station of a secretary?"

"Mrs Santos, Donna and I go back a long way, you came in on the end of a pair of friends catching up"

"Really, it didn't sound all that friendly"

"With due respect M'am, friendly is different inside the Beltway"

"So I'm discovering"

"You'll get used to it"

"With due respect Ms Gardner, I don't think I will"

"Mrs Santos whatever Donna has said…"

"I don't think Donna has ever mentioned you"

"Whatever Donna has said, we go back a long way, it's natural for her to be bitter I got something she wanted and…"

"You got something she wanted?"

"Yes M'am"

"Do you still have it?"

"M'am?"

"Do you still have the something?"

"I'm not sure what you mean"

"Then you obviously don't"

"M'am?"

"The question that comes to my mind is does Donna? Have it now I mean. Because if she does it may signify that you never really got it in the first place"

"Mrs Santos I'm not sure what…"

"Oh Amy please, this is just a friendly conversation inside the Beltway, I'm sure you'll do a wonderful job for Matt. He's…"

"The President-elect will be free in a moment Mrs Santos if you want to wait in his office, Amy he asked me to show you to the main meeting room."

"I can find it"

"Donna, we'll meet back at the house in an hour"

"Yes Mrs Santos"

"You don't like Amy Gardner"

"Amy is excellent at her job; she's highly experienced and dedicated to her cause"

"But you don't like her"

"I've only ever had contact with her through Josh Mrs Santos, that's not enough to…"

"She and Josh were involved?"

"For a time"

"That explains a lot"

"Mrs Santos?"

"It's not important, I'll see you in an hour"

I go back to the growing pile of files on the corner of my desk, take the first one from the top and begin sorting the clippings. Our corner of the OEOB is heaving, there's people everywhere and the noise in this room would drive a sane person crazy. The sound of my desk phone adds to the overall commotion.

"Donna Moss"

"Where's Josh?"

"Good Morning to you too C.J."

"Where is he Donna?"

"California"

"What the hell is he doing in California?"

"C.J. is something wrong?"

"He's in California?"

"Josh is in California, I'm in the OEOB, you're in the west wing and you're screaming down the phone at someone who cooked you a very nice lasagne last night"

"I'm screaming down the phone at someone who bought a very nice lasagne from Alessandro's last night"

"Doesn't change the fact you're screaming"

"No, it doesn't"

"There was a time when I'd just roll my eyes and ask what the idiot boy had done. But he hasn't had the time to do anything idiotic in the last week so I'm assuming you're just having a hissy fit on principle and are looking for someone to take it out on"

"You could be right"

"I am right"

"No one stands up to me anymore"

"That's what friends are for Claudia Jean"

"What are 'friends'?"

"Well gee thanks"

"I'm sorry Donna, I'm having a day"

"Welcome to the club, did your day involve Amy Gardner?"

"No"

"Then mine's worse"

"What did the poison dwarf want?"

"She's not that short"

"Think about who you're talking to"

"Alright then – to congratulate me on leaving the White House"

"Oh god I'm Amy Gardner"

"C.J. you are not now, nor will you ever be Amy Gardner"

"I told you…"

"And I did it… we're both guilty of a touch of the Amy's but there's one major difference"

"What's that?"

"We're warm blooded mammals, with beating hearts"

"You have a point mi armour"

"Listen C.J. I've been thinking, you haven't anything planned for this evening…"

"No…actually I was thinking I maybe wouldn't…"

"I won't be there…what?"

"What?"

"You first"

"No you"

"I might go visit a friend and stay there just to save getting a cab back"

"I was thinking the same thing…"

"Would your friend by any chance happen to be a red-headed former reporter?"

"Only if yours is a certain idiot boy"

"Pretty obvious huh?"

"After the night of Leo's funeral maybe slightly"

"You went to Danny's? when Josh stayed?"

"I thought I'd give him the bed I'll bet the $39.43 in my wallet he didn't use"

"No he didn't"

"Have you two…?"

"You want details?"

"Talked… I was going to say talked"

"No"

"O.K."

"I don't know how, I asked him if he was trying to convince me that I was the one who found this awkward and hard to navigate and he said no. But it is, it is me. As much as you're not going to believe me he's been the one who's been clear through all of this… since…you know. I've been all over the show…"

"Stop playing with him Donna, you're not Amy Gardner"

"Geez C.J. Kick a girl where it hurts"

"Sorry…just love him Donna, you've done it for god knows how many years"

"Yeah but I don't know how to be loved back"

"You do… you've been doing that for nearly that long too"

I finish my conversation, replace the handset onto the desk, put some files into my bags and head out of the office. I drop a file for Josh on Ronna's desk and cast a glance over a Otto juggling two files and what looks like a call list. I step out of the building and into the cold late November air. Maybe C.J.'s right…


	14. Chapter 14

I've lost count of how often I've thought about the White House in the last four years. It's been nearly four years exactly since I left this place. I hoped more than thought I'd walk back through these gates as Sam Seaborne, freshman congressman from the California 47th. I can still remember the edge in Toby's voice when I told him I was staying in California, I remember Leo's resigned "People move on Sam", I remember Josh just being quiet. Yeah, Josh has always had this pathological avoidance thing going on… I've done bits of speech writing over the years when I've been asked. My assistant walked into my office just over a week ago:

"Sam, I've got a Mr Pontas's secretary on the line"

"Is it the Johnson deposition?"

"No, she said it to tell you it was an old friend from home"

"Say that again?"

"She said to tell you it was an old friend from home"

"Pontas?"

"Pontas, Popis?"

"POTUS?"

"Yeah, know him?"

"Louise, we need to talk about you and names again"

"Fine, I'll put him through"

"Please"

"Line three, and tell your friend he has a funny name"

"I would but it's not his name it's his job title?"

"POTUS?"

"President of the United States"

"What the?"

"Could you maybe connect that call Louise?"

"You're serious the President, the PRESIDENT, is calling you?"

"Louise!"

"I didn't know, I mean PO…"

"You're not the first person with whom I've had this conversation…"

So at the request of the president, I spent the next two days with a phone to my ear writing a tribute to a man who led us here eight years ago, on the phone with a man who is still my favourite writer and yesterday the man who brought me into all of this sat in front of me and pitched to bring me back in. I'm sitting in a small, really small office in the OEOB, I had forgotten just how much paper this place involved! I have briefing books, forms to renew my security clearance, call lists, despite Josh's announcement I'm not definitely back in but sitting her, feeling the buzz around this place I'm struggling to remember why I left.

"Well, well, well, well, well… Someone obviously thought fast"

"Donna!"

"Hey Sam"

"It's so good to see you…you look…"

"Sam I can't breathe, you're squishing me…"

"Sorry… Donna let me look at you…. I can't believe, you're just… oh you…"

"Sam, are you going to cry?"

"No!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure… It's just Donna…"

"It's good to see you too Sam"

"Are you alright, well, fine, good?"

"I'm great Sam"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure, we missed you, you know"

"I didn't miss it…"

"Til you walked in the door"

"Til I walked in the door, how did you know that?"

"I'm intuitive like that, DCOS uh?"

"Josh to Josh's Leo"

"Yeah"

"So what corner of the west wing has Josh craved out for you?"

"Don't"

"What? Why?"

"One the last person to ask me that was Amy Gardner…"

"Now's there's a reason I forgot about to stay outside the Beltway"

"Sam!"

"What? Like you're her biggest fan"

"The president-elect offered her Leg Director"

"Donna, will you please just take him to bed or something I can't do Amy Gardner round three"

"You think he's…, you think he actually would… has he said…?"

"Donna, what's wrong?"

"Nothing Sam, it's nothing"

"What did I say?"

"Nothing Sam"

"Hi pleased to meet you, my name's Sam Seaborne, I came down the Potomac in a bubble yesterday and I believe you"

"Sam!"

"Something's happened hasn't it?, Between you and Josh?"

"What did he say?"

"Sorry, the botherhood"

"You do realise that C.J. only ever mentioned the sisterhood once you know"

"And Jefferson only declared a few truths to be self evident once, the good ones stick in the memory…"

"You're comparing C.J. and the sisterhood to the declaration of independence?"

"It would be stretch for a lesser mortal…"

"It's good to see the ego comes with the job title"

"Seriously Donna, something has happened between you and Josh?"

"What did he say?"

"Donna!"

"Sam, don't you think I made enough of an idiot out of myself for years…"

"Whooh there hold on…Donna, when were you ever an idiot? What is this about?"

"I thought, I thought I could be friends again, then we… and now I can't go back, I walked away once and when he walks or runs this time… to Amy Gar… Sam I don't know if I can"

"Geez Donna, if a woman were ever in need of a vacation!"

"God, Sam I'm sorry, two hours back in the district and I'm unravelling all over you.. this was…"

"You're not unravelling, you're becoming deliriously deluded not you're not unravelling"

"You weren't here, he left with her for a little tete-a-tete at the reception…?"

"You think Josh wanted to have Amy Gardner throw that fact in his face that the man who was like a father to him wasn't available for the V.P. slot?"

"He has spoken to you"

"This would be the point I say nothing"

"Sam!"

"Donna, have you two actually sat down and talked?"

"There's never time"

"And he doesn't know that what you're thinking?"

"Sort of, he keeps telling me he's not going anywhere"

"I can well believe that, do you know how long he'd wanted to be where he is… you are…"

"If this doesn't work Sam…"

"What do you want from him Donna, a cast iron guarantee, life doesn't work like that…"

"I've given him four weeks"

"Four weeks?"

"To figure out what we want from each other"

"OK, I really did come down the Potomac in a bubble and I think I ended up in an alternative universe…"

"What are you talking about Sam?"

"You actually think that's what Josh, needs at right now another deadline?, more pressure?"

"What about what I need?"

"O.K. we need to check Fort Knox and probably an area in the Pentagon because the Donna Moss I knew has been kidnapped by aliens"

"Sam I..."

"Donna! You starting talking again, talking properly. Then something happens, you freak out and he tells you it's all going to be alright, something else happens and you turn Ms Professional Political Operative 1974 and go get him coffee of all things, Leo dies you're the only thing he wants and exactly what he needs, he goes Mr Professional Political operative 1974 on you because he thinks it's what you want and then you throw an ultimatum in his face. It's no wonder he's heading for a nutty!"

"Josh is heading for a nutty?"

"Oh thank God the aliens landed and brought a bit of her back!"

"Seriously Sam, is he alright? Where is he? I should…?"

"He's ok Donna, he needs a break more than any man I've ever seen but he's ok, it's not…you know…"

"I don't know how to do this, C.J. said just to love him"

"Always a sensible woman our Claudia Jean"

"Sam, I'm lost in this…"

"It's the accumulation of years of misdirection and nearly almosts you didn't think this was going to be easy did you?"

"Yes, actually"

"Well that was a bit of a pipe dream now wasn't it"

"Sam!"

"Donna, talk to him, properly, he's told you he's not going anywhere what more can he do?"

"I'm being an idiot"

"Yes"

"Don't hold back or anything Sam"

"O.K., I won't"

"We really really missed you, you took the fun with you…"

"You need a great big dose of it"

"Yeah, thanks, I really didn't mean to spill out all over you"

"Yeah and it's a new suit, will never be the same again"

"Josh, is really alright, I know the President-elect has noticed something and now you…"

"Yeah, he'll be fine, as long as he doesn't get anymore news today to push him over the edge."

"O.K."

"So where has Josh craved out a corner for you? Are you following in the illustrious footsteps of Ms C.J. Cregg?"

"Helen Santos offered me Chief of Staff"

"Whoooh! Congratulations! Have you told Josh?"

"Just before I came here… oh god!"

"What?"

"Sam I think I just pushed him over the edge"

"Holy hell!"

"I'm going…"

"No, I have a little suggestion for Mr Lyman, let me take this one you can take the rest for the next fifty or so years"

"Are you sure?... You are sure… Thanks Sam…for everything"


	15. Chapter 15

I have lost count of how many flights I've taken in my lifetime. I remember being about five and flying with my parents from Connecticut to somewhere to visit friends of my fathers, I remember the excitement of going to the airport, the stewardess dressed in bright red or bright blue bending down to hand me my ticket, I remember the excitement as I fastened the seat belt. I remember feeling incredibly important when I was given the mini pack of peanuts. I don't remember when commercial air travel turned into something to be injured. Something that just took me somewhere for my next meeting. I think Air Force One spoiled us slightly.

Not tonight, tonight feels like my first flight and that feeling started a few hours ago:

"Donna?"

"Josh! what's been going on? Are you alright?"

"You heard?"

"Sam"

"I kind of lost my temper, slightly, only a bit at Otto"

"Yeah?"

"It wasn't anything"

"It was anything"

"Nothing major"

"You're leaving?"

"I'm going away for a few days to clear my head, figure some things out"

"Sam said you were… your mom will be glad to see you"

"My mom?"

"Yeah"

"I'm not going to see my mom"

"You're not?"

"No"

"Josh, I'm so sorry I should never have told you about Mrs Santos' offer"

"You were planning to keep the fact that you're going to be the First Lady's Chief of Staff from me? Even if something's not happening between us personally has this got that bad?"

"Josh…"

"Never mind that, do you really think I'm not going to notice that you're running the East Wing?"

"Something's not happening between us?"

"What?"

"You said something's not happening between us"

"No I didn't"

"Yes, you did"

"No, I didn't"

"Yes, you did"

"No, I… Donna!"

"Yes?"

"Every conversation we have keeps getting away from me lately"

"I'm sorry"

"What are you sorry for?"

"I've messed this up"

"You've messed this up?"

"Yeah"

"So you mean to tell me when we're old and grey and sitting on our porch swing bickering I get credit for fixing this? You are going to give me credit for all of it?"

"What are you…?"

"Donna, years ago I knew this woman…"

"Josh, please don't tell me about one of you many conquests or anyone you fell sideways into"

"You know you used to let me finish a sentence"

"No, I didn't"

"Donna, hush"

"Did you just 'hush' me?"

"Donna…"

"You don't get to 'hush' me…"

"Donna, please shut up! We have to be out of this building in three hours and I need to… you know… ask you… before that can happen and I will never get the chance to ask you if you don't shut up for ten consecutive seconds…"

"Sam's right, you need a vacation… What do you mean that we…"

"Yes thank you I know Sam's right, Now will you shut it"

"Mmmm ah humm umm an neumm"

"What?"

"I said I'm not saying anything"

"Your sense of humour is quite the highwire act isn't it?"

"UMosh"

"'O.K., O.K., O.K, A few years ago I knew this woman and she spent quite some time hinting not all the subtlety that I take her away somewhere warm, with beaches and loungers and drinks with little umbrellas"

"Yes"

"So I've decided to take her… if she'll go with me that is… so you think she'll go with me?"

"How the hell would I know?"

"Great, so you'll be… no hang on, wait a minute… what?"

"Josh Lyman, you are the most insensitive, cruel, self-absorbed jerk I have ever had the misfortune to…"

"Whooh hold on I am so lost in this conversation I might need Sam's sky star reading skill thingy"

"How would I know if Amy god-dam Gardner wants to go to Tahiti with you!"

"You are really screwed up Donna"

"You're telling me that I'm screwed up because the man I've been in love with for as long as I can remember is standing in my office telling me he's taking his witch of a two-time ex girlfriend to Tahiti and I'm unhappy about it. Yes Josh that makes me really screwed up…. I suppose I should be grateful that this time you're not making me book the tickets or decorate your apartment… Why are you laughing? This isn't funny Josh? You've completely… Josh!"

"You think I'm talking about Amy?"

"Yes, of course, you always regretted not taking that trip, that the thing got in the way?"

"Did I?"

"Yes, but that's not important now – Josh just get out of my…please Josh just go.. I can't"

"I'm talking about you, you knucklehead"

"Me?"

"Donna, Sam's right, the president-elect is right and Lou's right I need to get away and I want you to come with me?"

"Me?"

"Yes, in that envelope there's two tickets to the Koluna Island Resort, Hawaii. One for you and one for me, If you'll come?"

"Me?"

"Donna, every time I tried to talk to you about what's happening here you… I don't know… you"

"Sam says I've been abducted by aliens"

"Sam would know"

"Josh!"

"I mean he dealt with all the ET type people… Can we get back to the point? Will you come with me?"

"Me?"

"Alright that's it… I'm taking Annabeth!... ANNABETH"

"No you are not and keep your voice down"

"So you'll come"

"Are you…"

"Donna, that was a closed question requiring a simple yes or no answer. Will you come with me – on vacation – to Hawaii – this evening – for six days?"

"Are you.."

"Ah"

"Josh, are"

"Donnatella, yes or no?"

"Yes"


	16. Chapter 16

I have lost count of how often over the last year, year and a half I've looked in the mirror and wondered who the woman was starring back me. There was a time around last February that I couldn't look her in the eye. It made putting on mascara very difficult. I lost myself somewhere on my quest to be Ms Political Operative of the Year 1974. The thing is I don't want to lose everything I am now to go back to being the me I found before I lost me… that makes no sense.

I can't believe I'm the one having a nutty over a relationship with Josh, it's supposed to be him. He's not supposed to be good at this, he's supposed to be the paranoid commitment-phobe who fell into this backwards and keeps screwing up. He's not supposed to be the one keeping me on track, telling me we're not broken, making the grand gestures. I'm supposed to be coaching the idiot through this not vice versa. I've had relationships - Dr Freeride – and just look at how well that turned out! He's had sex with Mandy Hamilton and Amy Gardner in the last ten years and then avoided their phones calls until they went away. He shouldn't be good at this.

It's killing me that I'm the one who added to everything Josh has had going on in the last two weeks. That night is the hotel room after the infamous (Can something be infamous if only two people know about it?) key incident, he put his arms around me and we kissed and the world was right, God was in his heaven and the angels were singing in the sky. Then the aliens landed, I got scared and I took it out on him. Scared is a long way from what I'm feeling right now. We're in a car on the way from Honolulu airport to the Kaluna Beach Resort - 5 luxury beach resort situated on the peaceful south side of the island. Guests will enjoy their own private cabin by the beach complete with spa tub on the lanai, king size bed, sunken bath and separate shower room - I'm sitting in the backseat of a car making it's way along the coast, in the arm of Josh Lyman, my head resting on his shoulder and every so often he kisses the top of my head. If God is in his heaven he must be sitting in the passenger seat because it's right here.

"Are you sleeping?"

"I think I must be"

"You're talking"

"Doesn't necessarily mean I'm not sleeping"

"You don't talk in your sleep"

"How would you know?"

"Because you've fallen asleep on me for years"

"On you?"

"Yes on me"

"O.K., I'm just saying if this is a dream and you're not actually here as my pillow and we're not actually driving along an Hawaiian coast I want to sleep longer and just stay in this dream"

"O.K."

"O.K."

"Donna?"

"Thank you"

"For what?"

"Well the Josh in my dream wouldn't be talking right about now so therefore this must be reality and we are actually here"

"Yes"

"O.K. so thank you"

"You're welcome… you know the reality Josh is much better than your dream Josh"

"Is he?"

"Oh yes"

"You might want to find out some of the things my dream Josh has done before you say that"

"Nothing I can't do better I promise you"

"You're competing with my dream you"

"No"

"You are"

"Donnatella, darling there is no competition"

"Did you just call me darling?"

"It was in the sarcastic"

"It should stay there"

"Duely noted"

"Good"

"Donna?"

"Yes Josh"

"In the office earlier?"

"Yes Josh"

"You were screaming at me"

"I may have been yelling a bit, to emphasise a point"

"A point on which you were wrong"

"I may have been mistaken"

"So you'll sit there in you mistakenness and be mistaken"

"Yes Josh"

"O.K."

"Donna?"

"Yes Josh"

"In the office earlier when you were mistakenly screaming at me"

"Yes Josh"

"Did I happen to hear you refer to me as the man you've been in love with as long as you can remember?"

"What?"

"Did I happen to hear you refer to me as the man you've been in love with as long as you can remember?"

"I've done it again"

"You have a problem answering closed questions, do you know that?"

"In fairness I do, what do you think I should do about it?"

"And Sam thinks I have a pathological avoidance thing going on!"

"You do"

"I ain't got nothing on you kid"

"'I ain't' Sam would tear you apart for that"

"Back to my original question"

"Which was?"

"Did I happen to hear you refer to me as the man you've been in love with as long as you can remember?"

"Yeah I'm sorry"

"You're apologising for having been in love with me"

"Yes, I shouldn't have said it"

"Dam right!"

"Josh please I didn't mean to ruin…"

"Dam right you should apologise"

"I am I'm sorry"

"You should apologise right now for using the past tense"

"What?"

"For saying 'have been' because you see had I said it I would have used the present tense"

"That you're the man you're in love with? Yes I can believe that"

"Well just for that I'm not saying it"

"Not saying that you are in love with yourself, that's fine Josh, you don't have to"

"Fine"

"You're huffing"

"I'm not huffing"

"You're huffing because I won't get it that you're trying to say you love me"

"You got that did you?"

"Yes"

"Good"

"Why good?"

"Because it seems we've got that conversation communication thing back and you're actually getting what I'm saying and instead of some how hearing the exact opposite. It bodes well for the rest of the week"

"Josh, you're an idiot"

"And now you're insulting me, good, it's just as well I used my new Chief of Staff-elect security privileges and rang Fort Knox and requested that the aliens release you, all of you, the whole Donna is much more fun"

"I really dislike Sam"

"Good"

"You like that I dislike Sam?"

"I like that you dislike all men"

"You're not a man?"

"Donna, sweetheart I intend to prove to you this week that I'm all man"

"I'm assuming the sweetheart was in the sarcastic again and am ignoring it, what are you going to do Josh? Chop some wood and build your woman a buggy?"

"Is that what men do in Wisconsin?"

"Yes"

"Connecticut men have much more fun ways of proving their manhood to their woman"

"Really?"

"Yes really"

"Like"

"We build her a barn"

"Funny, funny man"


	17. Chapter 17

I've lost count of how often I've been up and even in my office before sunrise. I've lost count how often I haven't left my office before sunrise; Donna's been with me many many of those times. This is a much much nicer way to spend the hours before the sun comes up.

We arrived in Kaluna late last night, we didn't do much but come to the room, sorry beach cabin, order room service and eat sitting cross legged on the bed, talking about anything and everything. Donna stole my fries and we shared a beer. Then we slept. It could have been any number of nights over the last number of years – apart from the fact I get to lean over and kiss her now and then and when I fall asleep holding her close I don't have to feel guilty about it. To me this is different but the same, I'm living out loud what I've been living somewhere in my head for quite a while. Maybe that's why I'm not running scared of this, I came to terms with the fact that Donna was 'the one' quite a while ago, this is easy for me - it's natural progression. Slow natural progression I'll admit but a natural step nonetheless.

This is possibly where that ego people – mostly Donna – keep telling me I have comes into play. Yes it hurt when Donna left, the ego got a bit bruised. I could even say the heart got a touch bruised too but I won't because I'm scared that after having him back for less than a day that I'm going to start sounding like Sam. It hurt, but still there was something telling me that when I decided to take this step with Donna that we'd work out, that once we were together we'd both be sure that there would be nobody else for either of us - together, done, happy ever after, thank you for coming, please tip your waitress, goodnight. It never occurred to me that everything I'd done to get to this point, everything I'd done not to act on my feelings too soon or what I knew to be too soon, Donna may have taken as rejection.

Being with Mandy was rejecting Donna, being with Amy was rejecting Donna, throwing myself into a work night was rejecting Donna, putting up the barriers the few months after she came back from Germany until my head had a chance to catch up with my heart was rejecting Donna. I thought she knew me better than that but apparently if my head and my heart don't always function together neither do Donna's. I should accept that and listen to her – yes I may have called Sam when a certain blond lady put on coffee and left my apartment a couple of nights ago. We're here now and I haven't felt this relaxed in months, years maybe, I'm enjoying that last ten minutes of sort of sleep. Donna moved, kissed my shoulder and got up a few minutes ago, I sure in my conviction that she's coming back:

"Josh"

"Uuh"

"Josh, Josh, Josh"

"Uuh"

"Josh!"

"Donna as much as I love you bouncing up and down on me, can you please wait until I wake up?"

"Nooooo!... Josh please you've got to see this…"

"Five more minutes"

"Josh, you have to see this place… there's a hot tub just outside those doors, we're right on the beach Josh, right on it…"

"Do you want me to tell you what else you're right on?"

"Josh, please come see this…."

"O.K., O.K. I'm looking"

"Get up, come here, look, look" 

"O.K. Tigger, I'm up, I'm looking"

"Look isn't it beautiful?"

Donna's standing at the patio doors looking out over a private white sandy beach. The water meets the sky on the horizon, the sun has just begun its daily climb through the sky. Palm trees frame the picture perfectly but all I can look at is the woman standing framed by the doorway. Her hair pulled into a messy bun on her head, wearing my boxers and an old campaign t-shirt. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist.

"Yes it is"

"I mean look at the sky"

"What sky?"

"You just said it was beautiful"

"I wasn't talking about the sky"

"Josh…that was…"

"Don't you dare say corny"

"Sweet, I was going to say sweet"

"How about devastatingly sexy?"

"That too"

She turns and wraps her arms around my neck and her lips touch mine slowly, testing before she takes control of the kiss. My hand slips under her t-shirt caressing the soft skin of her back. We move apart and she smiles at me.

"I didn't think you did that anymore?"

"Did what?"

"The four year old on e-numbers impression"

"Excuse me?"

"The bouncing up and down excitement thing"

"The bouncing up and down excitement thing?"

"Yeah, it's just you've been taking everything in your stride lately, cool calm and collected Donna I forgot how excited you used to get"

"Oh"

"O.K. the face just changed, what is it?"

"That's what I'm afraid of"

"Your face changing"

"You really do do that on purpose"

"Maybe, what are you afraid of"

"That you don't like me, that you like the idea you have of me"

"Why do you think they are so different?"

"You don't know me now and while I haven't been ecstatically happy with myself lately I like some of the bits of the person I've become since…"

"Since you walked out and abandoned your poor pathetic boss to a life of temp assistants and coffee every morning"

"Josh!"

"O.K. I'm being serious; tell me the bits you like?"

"I like the position I'm in now, I like seeing my ideas being used, I like being taken seriously, I like having the confidence and the ability to do what I'm doing"

"O.K. and the bits you don't like"

"I've felt selfish sometimes, like I was putting on an act, that I was having to pretend I was someone I'm not"

"Why were you pretending? Or when were you pretending?"

"A lot of the time with Russell, I did it with you a couple of times over the last two weeks"

"I can pin point those, could use little coloured flags and everything!"

"Josh!"

"O.K., so you like the position of power, your ideas being used, being taken seriously, having confidence and having ability"

"Yes!"

"And you think those are new?"

"Before I didn't, have those things I mean"

"Donna, maybe not to the whole outside world although there are a couple of congressman and a senator from Maine who more afraid of you than they ever were of me!"

"He was being an idiot"

"Donna you need to understand that those are things you've always let me see in you. You maybe didn't let everyone else see them so if leaving the White House gave you the ability to let them then great, I'm proud of you for those things I always have been"

"Really?"

"Yes really, and them being part of you now isn't me not knowing you now, it's me knowing all of you then. If I'm making sense"

"You rarely do but I'm following you"

"You're tuned to me"

"I am"

"So what about the bits you don't like, where did they come from?"

"Isn't all that what a woman needs to do to get ahead in D.C.?"

"You're asking me if a woman needs to turn into a ball-crushing robot to get any power in the district?"

"Yes"

"You're asking me if all women need to be Mandy Hampton or Amy Gardner to make an impact in Washington?"

"Yes"

"Yes, but it also helps if you are my ex girlfriend"

"Josh!"

"Which you, by the way, are never going to be, not if I have my way"

"Josh!"

"Donna, yes you need to be professional, have ability and intelligence and be tough, really tough sometimes to get there but you've always been that, only maybe you didn't see it"

"I don't understand?"

"Donna, you managed an operations and planning team of over 100, you had all the other stuff too and having been on the receiving end of your rules you definitely can be tough!"

"You got better didn't you?"

"Yes and for your rules I will always be grateful"

"You're welcome"

"As the First Lady's COS, yes you'll have to exude a demeanour…

"You think I should take it?"

"It's your decision but yes"

"You think I can do it?"

"You were my Chief of Staff, after me Helen Santos is a walk in Lafayette Park"

"That's true"

"What I'm saying is you'll have to be strong and tough or whatever but that doesn't change the person you are, it doesn't mean I don't know the person you are and it doesn't mean I don't love the person you are"

"You said it"

"Yes, I said it"

"You love me"

"Yes Donnatella Moss I love all of you, all the bits and pieces and quirks and everything else"

"Thank you"

"For?"

"Loving all of me"

"You're welcome… Do you have anything to say in return?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know maybe something similar?"

"Don't think so, come on I want to try out that really big shower room"

"Donna?"

"Come on Josh"

"Fine"

"There's towels on the rail and there's gel on the shelf, Come on"

"We're sharing?"

"Yes we're sharing"

"Are we trying to save water? You know save the planet one double shower at a time?"

"I love the environment Joshua"

"Yeah, I know"

"I love you too and that is more of a reason to share a shower than saving the planet just at this particular moment"

"Ha! You said it, you said it, you said it, you said it"

"Come on Tigger, before I change my mind"


	18. Chapter 18

I've lost of how often, for state dinners, receptions and whatnot I've got ready knowing that the reason I was taking time on my make-up – all of the fifteen minutes that was afforded me in the White House first floor ladies room – was because I was going to be seeing Josh that night. I've never until tonight got dressed up with the unquestionable certainty that he'd be the undressing me and it's never been a night were it would be just us. Even since we arrived here five days ago we've had causal dinners, chatting about everything from 8th grade algebra to Washington Zoo. Josh came to me this afternoon and asked me to dinner, I bit back the 'who else would I be having dinner with' and my stomach flipped like it hasn't since Freddie Briggs asked me to prom. It's weird and not so weird getting ready with Josh in the room, he's pulling on his pants and buttoning his shirt while I finish putting on some make-up in the bathroom. We're chatting through the open door.

"It became the 50th state in August 1959? …and we're 2300 miles from the continental US?"

"Did you read a briefing book in the three hours notice I gave you?"

"No, this is just general stuff Josh. ‚Ua mau ke ea o ka āina i ka pono' is the state motto and it means ‚the life of the land is perpetuated in righteousness' The state animal is the hump back whale"

"You know if we take a trip through the electoral map we'd see that Hawaii and it's four electoral votes have gone Democrat in every presidential election the state has been involved in. Barlet carried the state by 11 in 02, 5 in 98. Santos by 6… Two Congressmen, two senators all democrats….."

"Is this politico hot talk?"

"Is it working?"

"Has it ever not worked?"

I step out of the bathroom and see him sitting on the bed. He looks smarter than he has this week. I'd got used to causal Josh but he's wearing smart pants and an open necked dress shirt. My stomach does the flip thing again.

"Donna"

"Your voice has just done that high-pitched squeaky thing?"

"You weren't wearing that earlier!"

"Pity the girl who tries to get anything past you Josh"

"You weren't wearing that earlier"

"No"

"You weren't"

"No, I've been wearing a bath robe for the last forty-five minutes"

"You're not wearing a bath robe now"

"When you said dress for dinner you meant dress in my bathrobe?"

"No..no…no…"

"Josh? Are you O.K? or are …."

"Yeah"

"Sure?"

"Yes"

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Josh?"

"What?"

"Josh, Why are you staring?"

"What?"

"Josh!"

"It's a red dress"

"Yes, you said dress for dinner, you said we were going…"

"It's a red dress"

"Josh, what is wrong with you?"

"The dress is red on you"

"Josh the dress would be red on anyone"

"But it's on you"

"The dress is what's finally left you speechless?"

"Uh-huh"

"I've worn a bikini this week, I've worn sarong dresses, I've worn nothing and this, this provokes this reaction"

"You look incredible"

"Thank you"

"How the hell have I kept my hands off you all these years?"

"You were very restrained"

"I've taken a lot of cold showers"

"Really?"

"I'm not sure the thermostat on my shower turns above freezing"

"Just think of the money you've saved on hot water"

"There were more…um…pleasant remedies"

"That were open to you at the time?"

"Unfortunately not"

"Unfortunately"

"Do you wish…"

"Wish?"

"That we'd… you know"

"Josh sometimes you have to make the best out of life, and do whatever you can until it brings you were you're meant to be, back then did I wish that it was me you followed home after fourth of July fireworks – hell yeah I did. Did I wish that I was on your arm at the First Lady's birthday party – hell yeah to that too"

"That worked both ways, I hated every republican gomer who got within ten feet of you"

"I know and I also know you have made me incredibly happy this week, happier than I've been with anyone… ever and happier than I've been in a long long time and if you're asking me would I swap here and now now for then and there then. I have to say hell no"

"Donna…"

"Josh, are you getting emotional?"

"Donna"

"Josh, don't get emotional, can we maintain some sort of…"

"Donna that was really…"

"You're going to say sweet aren't you?"

"No"

"Yes, you were…"

"Maybe I was…"

"I knew it, Should we be going?"

"Nearly ready"

"How the hell has it taken you longer to get ready than me?"

"I was watching you"

"Watching me?"

"Yeah"

"Do you have some sort of voyeur fetish I should know about?"

"Only where you're concerned"

"'Kay"

"I'm ready"

"So where are we going?"

"It's a surprise"

"O.K."

"I'm bringing the 'woo'"

"You're bringing the what now?"

"I'm bringing the 'woo'"

"The what?"

"The romance Donna"

"We've been here five days you couldn't have started sooner?"

"I've been romantic all week!"

"Have you?"

"I bought you a black coral necklace, which by the way is the state gem of Hawaii"

"I did in fact know that"

"I've walked you by the hand along moonlit beaches, I've had flowers delivered to your sun lounger, I've… I've made love to you on every flat surface and a few unflat ones in this room!"

"That was very romantic"

"I am a romance man"

"Is this the same as an outdoorsman?"

"You make to very hard to bring the woo Donnatella"

"I'm sorry, you have, you have been amazing this week"

"I have in fact been amazing"

"I sorry I made it so hard in the beginning"

"You never have to apologise for making anything hard"

"Josh!"

"Well… listen after years of misdirection and pressure to hide whatever, I just think we needed time with no misdirection and no pressure"

"That is most definitely what we've had"

"As far as I'm concerned the only thing we need to figure out is do we want to be together and everything else we'll figure out as we go along together, with the purpose of staying together"

"There were a lot of 'together's in that sentence"

"It's called emphasis"

"Got it"

"Good"

"O.K."

"O.K.?"

"Yes O.K., I've only really wanted one man for quite sometime"

"That better have been me"

"It might have been but I should warn you that I have no sense about these things. I have no vibe and terrible taste in men, and my desire to be coupled up will always and forever

drown out any small sense of self or self-worth that I may have..."

"Now you're going to tell me I said that"

"Yes"

"There was a unspoken proviso on that"

"Which was?"

"It only applies to you being coupled up with people who aren't me"

"Really?"

"Yes really"

"You might have told me that at the time"

"It was remiss of me"

"So I have taste in men and I can desire to be coupled up without losing any small sense of self or self-worth that I may have…?"

"Your boyfriend is consistently placed as one of the top five most eligible bachelors in D.C. and loves you because of your sense of self and self worth. Therefore as his girlfriend you must have pretty good taste in men…"

"That's what we are?"

"Donna! What more can I say to make you…"

"O.K. I'm just surprised"

"Surprised?"

"Yeah, I thought you fell sideways into people, crossed your fingers and hoped for the best"

"I did do that"

"I know"

"I guess I was just waiting for someone worth walking beside rather than falling into…"


	19. Chapter 19

I've lost count of how many times I've just lay back and sighed this week. It has been the most relaxing, wonderful week of my life. I have always felt comfortable around Josh. I was scared when we took this step that I wouldn't be any more. Yeah I was more scared that I couldn't pick up the pieces when – and I definitely thought it was when – he left me. Now I don't think I've got an option but to keep him, I don't think I ever really did. I couldn't get rid of him if I tried and I am defiantly not trying. We're mid flight heading back to Washington, back to real life. I've woken up in the arms of Josh Lyman every morning this week and the thought of not doing that every morning next week is a pretty bleak one.

"I can't believe we've got rules again"

"They were your idea Donnatella"

"All I suggested was a few basic guidelines to help us. I acknowledge that we have been doing the whole couple thing for years but now…"

"…now we're actually 'at it' you mean?"

"You're using the term 'at it'? You really don't enjoy our nocturnal activities do you?"

"No, that's what the groans are all about, it's torture, sheer torture"

"Josh! We're in the middle of a Boeing 747!"

"I know. Donna? What's your opinion of the mile-h…"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence Lyman… "

"O.K."

"So back to the rules"

"Don't you think it was a bit excessive to type them up and laminate them?"

"Who knew a 5 beach resort would have a business centre?"

"Just because it was there didn't mean you had to use it"

"I wanted to take advantage of every possible facility"

"We could have just made do with taking advantage of the hot tub"

"Every possible facility Josh"

"My bath does that you know"

"Does what?"

"The bubble thing"

"You have a Jacuzzi bath?"

"Didn't you know that?"

"No, that little piece of information relating to your domestic arrangements has escaped my notice."

"It came with the house"

"So what's it like?"

"I've never used it!"

"You've never used your bath?"

"I'm a man Donna and I didn't have that kind of time"

"You've never used your bath?"

"No"

"There were days when I wondered what the smell was"

"Hey! I showered!"

"But you never used your Jacuzzi bath?"

"No"

"You don't know how to turn it on do you?"

"I…It's…"

"You don't do you?"

"Not exactly… "

"You're an idiot"

"Thank you"

"You're welcome"

"Donna?"

"Yes Josh?"

"Donna?"

"Yes Josh?"

"Now before I tell you this, please remember that I love you and we've sorted an awful lot of things out this week and that you are no longer, you know, sleeping on the edge of the bed or telling me you want to win things"

"Oh God"

"Please remember that"

"Josh, you can't have started World War III, they haven't even let you into the situation room yet and you've been in Hawaii with me all week, what the hell have you done?"

"Your faith in me continues to astound"

"I have faith in you, it's just tempered by my knowledge of what an idiot you can be"

"O.K., can we not insult me until I tell you this?"

"But I can insult you after?"

"What the hell chance would I have of stopping you?"

"Good point Joshua, Good point, What troubles your mind?"

"O.K. remember that…"

"Yeah yeah what is it?"

"Well, I've done something…"

"I knew it, that's why we're on a plane the continental US no longer exists!"

"Donna, I'm trying to be serious here, can you not be you for just one minute?"

"That's my line"

"Donna!"

"O.K., I'm listening"

"I've done something"

"You said that"

"Well I have. You know the twitchy chick from treasury?"

"The same twitchy chick who's subletting my apartment?"

"That one yes. Did you know that she was Secret Service and on C.J.'s protection detail?"

"Did I know the occupation of the woman to whom I've been subletting my apartment? Did I check a personal reference from Ron Butterfield? Yes I might have done that before leaving my security deposit at her mercy yes"

"O.K. so you did"

"Yes, how is the twitchy chick from treasury involved in you having done something?"

"Well…"

"Get on with it Josh"

"C.J. was in Vienna"

"With President Bartlet, it was his last U.N. session, they're back today"

"Yes"

"O.K."

"So the twitchy chick…"

"Who's on C.J.'s protection detail"

"Is with them"

"O.K."

"Well, the stuff you have in storage"

"Oh my God you've sent my stuff to Europe!"

"Again Donna the faith astounds me"

"Sorry"

"The stuff you had in storage, the lease ran out this week"

"I forgot about that"

"Well the company rang your cell and it's diverted to…"

"To Annabeth"

"Yes and Annabeth didn't know where you were so she asked Sam"

"Sam's involved in this?"

"On the peripheries yes"

"Oh God I don't own stuff any more"

"Faith Donna Faith"

"O.K. so?"

"Well the twitchy chick was in Vienna and they couldn't take the stuff to her or should I say your place"

"O.K."

"So Sam has a key and he told them to take it to mine"

"Sam did?"

"Yes Sam did"

"O.K. that's not a problem, I can pick the stuff up at your place, it would have been easier for Sam just to pay another week or you know, called me, but no matter"

"Well you see that's not all of the something"

"Josh?"

"You see the lease company contacted Twitchy Chick as well"

"Her name is Katrina"

"That helps my story…really…it does"

"Good"

"So the lease company contacted Katrina"

"Yes?"

"Who calls Sam"

"Yes?"

"Who tells her not to worry the stuff is going to my place"

"O.K."

"And sort of gives her the impression that that is where you're going too"

"And what would have given him that idea?"

"Just something I might have said that Sam may have misinterpreted, you know what he's like, no language skills, words mean nothing to him…"

"Josh, what exactly did you say?"

"I said that you were moving in with me"

"Oh yeah Sam really misconstrued that one didn't he?… It's O.K. I'll call Katrina and set the record straight"

"Well that would be good but there's this other tiny thing"

"What would that be?"

"Well when Katrina thought you wouldn't be needing the apartment any more she called your landlady and took over your lease"

"Without my signature? Inside 24hours?"

"Well she told Mrs McCall that you were moving in with me and Mrs McCall said it was about time and that because we were such a nice young couple she wouldn't make you pay any penalties and would let you out of your lease…"

"Oh God I'm homeless"

"Well that sort of depends?"

"Hang on Josh… you told Sam I was moving in with you?"

"I thought we were past that?"

"Josh what is the first rule?"

"The first rule on the sheet you typed up and laminated?"

"Yes"

"Both parties will remember that neither party works for the other and will consult the other party on any decisions effecting the said party in any way"

"Did you consult me before you gave my apartment away?"

"That wasn't actually me, that had more to do with Sam and Mrs McCall"

"You told Sam I was moving in with you!"

"So what you're saying is this is my fault"

"Yes, that and you didn't consult me"

"O.K. I suppose it is and no I didn't"

"You'll have to do much better than that when we're living together"

"You'll move in?"

"Yes I'll move in"

"Good"

"You're happy about living with me?"

"Hell yeah"

"Good"

"It's great, now I have someone to show me how to turn on the Jucuzzi bath"


	20. Chapter 20

I've lost count of how many Sundays I've spent in this apartment with Donna. We used to work from here if it wasn't urgent enough to take us into the office but still had to be done. I used to find a lot of things had to be done. We flew in from Hawaii yesterday evening and we've spent a perfectly lazy day today unpacking Donna's worldly goods and putting them away in my apartment. It's funny I always thought of the old house in Connecticut as home – until today… I've just left some sort of cooking dish thing into the kitchen.

"Josh"

"Josh!"

"JOSH!"

"You bellowed?"

"Maybe you should think about installing an intercom in your bedroom"

"'We', 'in our' and not a snowballs chance in ..."

"You're serious about this? As in a permanent arrangement? Not just until I…"

"Donna, this is permanent as it gets… You like this place… You told me you were reluctant to move out…you know… back when"

"I was"

"So you liked the place or was there some other reason you didn't want to leave?"

"No, I liked the apartment Josh, in fact if you'd like to move o…"

"You're really funny you know that"

"In fact I do"

"I was going to ask you to come stay here when you got back from Germany…"

"Yeah"

"Donna, i'm serious I was…"

"I know, I believe you"

"You had your mom staying and then one of your sisters and then the other one…"

"I'd rather have…you know…"

"Well you're not going anywhere now"

"No I'm not… especially as it's taken us most of today to unpack three boxes, there are benefits of having worked for you Josh, the main one being that I never had time to accumulate stuff."

"You really think that was the main benefit of working with me for x-number of years? Not the political education, the experience…"

"The pleasure of hearing you yell my name"

"I yell your name now and I don't hear you complaining"

"Ah… but I enjoy the perks now"

"Perks ey?"

"A lovely apartment with dependable central heating"

"Is that all you need me for a roof and warmth?"

"I have other uses for you"

"Really?"

"But we'll discuss those after we unpack the last two boxes…"

"Donna!"

"Josh!"

"Fine"

"What's in this one?"

"Think it's bed clothes and the throw comforter I had on the back of my sofa"

"Where do you want them?"

"I'll put them in a cupboard somewhere"

"You love that blanket thingy, your sister bought it for you at some craft bizarre shop, you did everything but pin it on the wall at your old place"

"Yeah, I just…"

"And it's really comfy, do you realise how many nights I've spent under that thing"

"I have a vague recollection of how often you've turned up at my door on account of your sensitive system…yes"

"Well then can't it…go on the… the colours sort of…?"

"O.K…. what's Sam's number?"

"Why do you want to call Sam?"

"'Cause the spaceship that returned me has kidnapped you and I've been left with this clone who notices if colours match in his den!"

"I am very observant"

"You want it on the couch…"

"Yeah the last one I had got ruined…"

"Yeah, I should tell you something about that"

"Hey you dropped a jar of tomato sauce and half a bottle of red wine on it, you were on crutches you shouldn't have been cooking anyway"

"Well I might have to tell you something about that…"

"Yes?"

"Before I say this remember that I love you and have done for some time and that we're together and you no longer want to talk about education plans at…"

"I sense I'm being mocked"

"Maybe, but remember…"

"Yeah, yeah what?"

"You remember I was cooking chicken and vegetables that night?"

"No, but go on…"

"You don't put tomato sauce in chicken and vegetables and red wine doesn't go with…"

"What exactly are you saying Donnatella?"

"I'm saying that I may have ruined it sort of accidentally…"

"Accidentally?"

"Accidentally on purpose"

"You vandalised my apartment?"

"I was very careful not to get any on the rug or the furniture"

"My apartment smelt like Don Giovanni's pizza emporium for a month!"

"It wasn't a month Josh"

"It was dam close"

"I'm sorry"

"It was only sitting on that armchair because the super needed something to cover the floor with while he replaced that heater"

"It was on the foot of your bed…before I mean…"

"Not in a very very long time"

"Really?"

"That's why you destroyed a perfectly good blanket thingy because…you were…"

"Maybe"

"You were jealous?"

"Josh, please don't be 'you' about this"

"You were jealous"

"Josh, what exactly happened to the leprechaun on my desk last fall?"

"I don't know"

"Joshua?"

"You can't blame me that the head fell off some piece of tourist tat"

"Can't I?"

"No!"

"It had nothing to do with you, Charlie and a chefs knife from the mess"

"Donna!"

"It had nothing to do with that did it?"

"Well…"

"It was a present from my niece Josh, my niece… my sister and her family were in Ireland on vacation and my niece brought me back a leprechaun, thinking you know… it would bring me luck after I was injured and you…"

"Donna!"

"You beheaded the thing!"

"O.K. O.K. I'm sorry"

"You should be"

"You know this would all have been easier if you'd just jumped me in Manchester instead of answering my phone"

"I'm not saying the idea didn't cross my mind"

"It did?"

"Yeah Josh, you have that much of an irresistible sexual prow…"

"I sense I'm being mocked again"

"Put the blanket over the couch if you'd like to"

"I'd like to… What about this last box?"

"It's alright it's just books and… you have storage in the basement?"

"Yeah but don't you want to check what's…"

"I know what's…"

"'Aunt Donna's Box for Everyfink Quite Special'" ahh Donna!"

"My niece made it"

"I can't think of you as an 'Aunt Donna'"

"I sense I'm about to be mocked"

"Seriously if I think about Aunt Donna, I think cookies and cardigans and…"

"She calls you Uncle Josh"

"What?"

"You heard"

"Your niece calls me Uncle Josh?"

"Yes, and you send her a thanksgiving gift every year her Aunt Donna couldn't make it home because horrible Uncle Josh has made her work…"

"Horrible Uncle Josh? I really have no hope with your family do I?"

"You're her favourite uncle!"

"Your other sister isn't married!"

"She has uncles on her Dad's side Josh, but she likes you"

"I'm very likeable"

"You send her great gifts"

"Donna?"

"Yes Josh?"

"I have never in my life bought…"

"You did"

"I did?"

"Yes, you did"

"O.K."

"So what's in here?"

"Josh!"

"It's a campaign badge"

"Josh…"

"It's my campaign badge, you kept my campaign badge?"

"Yes"

"Donna…"

"I keep things"

"You are such a girl"

"As we've been sleeping together for more than three weeks I'm glad you noticed"

"Believe me I noticed"

"Good"

"What's this?"

"Josh!"

"Why have you got a card for a D.C. cab company in your box of special stuff?"

"No reason, it must just gave got shoved in there"

"So I can throw it in the trash then?"

"No!"

"Donna, Why have you got a card from a cab company?"

"It's just a thing"

"January 20th 2003, What was..Janu…? Oh!"

"Josh, don't please…"

"You kept a card from the cab?"

"What are you doing looking in my box anyway?"

"You said I could and you're blushing"

"I didn't and am not"

"Are too"

"Am not"

"We're back in the 5th grade!"

"Don't make fun of me Josh"

"I'm not"

"You are"

"I'm not… Want to see something?"

"If you're about to bring what I think you're about to bring out of your wallet and suggest we use it, we have had this discussion and…"

"You have a one track mind Donna you really do"

"It's contagious"

"This, this is what I was going to show you"

"So you've got a cab number in your wallet"

"Yes, it's the same company"

"I'm supposed to be impressed you keep a cab number in your wallet?"

"The company went out of business two and a half years ago Donna"

"So you have an out of date cab number in your wallet, whoopee"

"Look at the date Donna, I wrote the date the same way you did"

"20th January 2003…what? why?"

"I kept one too, from the pouch in the back of the seat"

"You did?"

"Yes I did"

"Why?"

"Why did you keep it?"

"Because…"

"Because why?"

"You'll get a big head"

"I already have a big head"

"You have a point"

"So why did you keep it?"

"Because it's the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me O.K?"

"More romantic than taking you to Hawaii?"

"I have the ticket stub in my bag… but until you whisked me off for a romantic six days in the sun I had to make do with five minutes in the snow… in front of a communications director, a reporter from the Washington Post, the President's Personal Aide and a Will…"

"I looked at you that night and realised that what was flying around in my head and everywhere else was a hell of a lot more than what I should have been feeling for my assistant… my best friend. From that night on this little voice kept telling me you're in love with her you idiot..."

"You didn't listen to it"

"I made it a point not to listen to Sam, it tended to get me in trouble, besides it was coming from California I was a very little voice"

"It was Sam?"

"I should have listened to Sam"

"Then and there, here and now Josh"

"Yeah"

"Je ne regrette rein"

"I forget was French one of your minors?"

"Famous song by Edith Piaf, 'I regret nothing', she was a French singer in the forties and fifties.."

"Is there any snippet of useless information you don't know.."

"No information is useless Josh…We've got to go back to reality tomorrow"

"You're worried?"

"You're not?"

"No"

"That space ship really did take you away"

"No it didn't, Donna I've got you by my side and if I ever start putting you second or…"

"You're going to have to… sometimes"

"Sometimes yeah"

"You can't do that job if it's not your priority"

"Sometimes yeah… but you're going to tell me if I prioritise it too much…"

"That's one of the rules…"

"Which are laminated and stuck to the icebox…"

"You see how practical that was?"

"You're going to tell me if I get too monomaniacal…right. Don't just leave?"

"I'm not going anywhere Josh"

"I have you here, I have the person I trust most in the world…next to you… in my old office…"

"That's how Leo did it… the in the office part I mean"

"You think?"

"I do"

"Well Sam's there, You're here, I'll have Margaret in the…"

"I did tell you I offered Margaret…?"

"You didn't, you can't I mean... no, I mean, you can't…"

"Oh so all that 'I'm not worried Donna, I've got you Donna, I've got Sam Donna' comes to pieces when I tell you I offered Margaret…"

"She comes with the office!"

"I'll tell her that, that's really conducive to turning down my offer…"

"Donna!"

"It's alright she turned me down, but I had to give her an out…"

"An out?"

"Yes an out, she knows what I went through"

"So she's not going?"

"No but she's sharing the job with Nancy, remember she's got Kieren now"

"You organised an assistant for me, two of them?"

"The last time I did a terrible job of it and you left the White House, I couldn't run the risk…"

"You want to offer Ginger or Carol or…."

"That would be too weird"

"Maybe, you'll do this amazingly Donna… You are qualified and experienced; you got Mrs Santos through the campaign…"

"And I've got you to come home to, and Annabeth in the office…"

"You stole Annabeth!"

"Annabeth or Margaret pick one…"

"I'll take Margaret"

"Good, This is going to be weird…"

"No Donna, what's going to be weird is the first time I have to face President Bartlet after C.J. tells him where you're living…"

"Oh God…"

"Questions about my private life in the Oval… just what I've always dreamed about…"

"The President can't know we have sex Josh!"

"Funny I could have pictured you saying that years ago, now not so much…"

"I'm adding to the rules Josh, you cannot in any way or manner allow a President elect or incumbent to think in any way, shape or form that we have sex…"

"One, I'm not quite sure I can prevent that and two you can't add to the rules you laminated them."


	21. Chapter 21

I've lost count of how often I've walked past the glass doors of the Roosevelt room and saw Sam and C.J. sitting across from one another, debating some issue, laughing, throwing screwed up bits of paper at each other. We never, ever had easy years we always had a hostile congress, we had Rosslyn, we lost Mrs Landingham, dealt with the MS. and fought a battle for re-election but we laughed. I think the final blow of either Sam leaving or Zoey's kidnap knocked us out and we forgot we used to be friends as well as co-workers, we used to laugh as well as scream out in frustration. Looking through the door of the Roosevelt room feels like looking back through a window in time.

"Is this a private meeting or am I permitted to join my deputy?"

"Josh! Man! You look… well human…"

"Oh Mr Lover-man, how you get that tan?"

"Samuel, Claudia Jean… it is a pleasure to see you as always"

"He's happy C.J…"

"To see us, Samuel?"

"Do you have a temperature mi amour?"

"I am in perfect health thank you"

"Does that have to do with Hawaii or the fact that I gave your girlfriend's apartment away while she was out of the state for six days?"

"A little of both… Sam, you staying?"

"Of course he's staying we've bitten him again"

"I don't know about Danny C.J. but Donna's gonna have something to say if I go around biting Sam"

"Josh is scared of Don-na, Josh is scared of Don-na, Na, na, na, na"

"Sam, a little decorum please, this is the Roosevelt room"

"Yeah, Sam… named after? who was it Josh?"

"I think it was Partick Roosevelt"

"No, no, it was his third cousin Richard, the 947th President"

"Guys, please"

"Yeah C.J., leave Spanky alone"

"You had to remind her?"

"You think I needed reminded?"

"A guy can hope Claudia Jean"

"Anyway, Joshua… From what Sam has told me I've lost my roommate?"

"You fallen out with Danny already?"

"Can we leave Danny's name out of the conversation?"

"You don't want me to mention that the current WHCOS is spending two days over Christmas in California with a former senior reporter from the Washington Post?"

"Only if you want me to mention that the WHCOS-in waiting is braving two days over Christmas in Wisconsin with a former senior assistant's large family?"

"Yeah I think we can leave that out of the conversation"

"Well, not so much actually there my friend"

"No?"

"No"

"Spanky here"

"C.J.!"

"Spanky here and I thought that you might like some practice"

"Practice?"

"Yeah, practice"

"Practice in what?"

"Meeting the parents"

"I've met Donna's parents and C.J. I'm you know just a couple of… decades… past my Bar Mitzvah…"

"I've known you ten years…and Sam here.."

"I've known him twenty…"

"Has known you twenty years and we've discussed your adult relationships…"

"My adult relationships?"

"Yes, We'll start off with Sally Patterson"

"Oh must we?"

"Yes Josh we must… Sally Grace Patterson, seven week relationship second year Harvard, never met the parents as you"

"As I?"

"As you went to work suddenly on a campaign over the midterm weekend they were coming to visit there darling daughter"

"What campaign was that again Josh?"

"I..ah…"

"There wasn't a campaign was there Josh?"

"Um…OK can we skip this forward a few years?"

"How far forward should we come Josh, last decade?"

"Yeah?"

"That didn't sound too sure there Joshua"

"And the reason for that 'unsureness', C.J. shall we enlighten him?"

"Mandy"

"Hampton"

"and"

"Amy"

"Gardner"

"You guys could take this double act on the road you really could"

"We're considering it… but back to the point"

"What we're saying is that in the last decade you weren't required to meet the families of the ladies…"

"and he's using that term loosely"

"C.J.!"

"Ladies that you were involved with as…"

"as they were quite obviously spawned by Satan and therefore didn't have parents"

"Sam! One of those spawns of Satan is our new Leg Director and you have to work with it..her… I mean her… Where are we going?"

"Practice time Joshua"

"C.J. This looks suspiciously like we're heading for the…"

"Good Morning Debbie"

"Hi there Debbie"

"C.J., Sam"

"Is he?"

"Go ahead. Not talking this morning Josh? and you always were the friendly one"

"Good Morning Debbie, you know I could stay and talk to you while they're in there"

"I don't think so"

"Really?"

"Really"

It's not even nearly a possibility?"

"No, go on"

"Good Morning Mr President"

"Claudia Jean, Sam…ah… Joshua… Good Morning, would you step in here please?"

"Good Morning Sir"

"C.J. came to see me yesterday"

"Doesn't C.J. see you everyday Sir?"

"You really want to start this conversation that way Josh?"

"No Sir"

"Josh you realise that I have three daughters?"

"Yes Sir"

"One is married to a bumbling idiot who just lost a New Hampshire seat for the Democratic Party, One is recently married and we're waiting to see what sort of bumbling idiot he turns into."

"Yes Sir"

"And the third…"

"Excuse me Sir, the third has shown remarkable taste and is dating Charlie who cannot be described as a bumbling anything?"

"Quite"

"Hence proving that those who are your daughters or who you consider to be like your daughter's can actually have good taste in men?"

"You see, I see where you're going there Josh, interrupting and trying to head me off at the pass there were we?"

"Maybe Sir"

"Didn't work there Josh, no it didn't work"

"No Sir"

""It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons." Do you know who said that Josh?"

"No Sir I can't say I do"

"Schiller, Friedrich Schiller, 18th century German poet writer and historian"

"Contemporary of Goethe"

"Thank you Sam 'Wem der große Wurf gelungen,ein Freund zu sein; Wer ein holdes Weib errungen, Mische seinen Jubel ein!'"

"Whoever succeeds in the great attempt to be a friend, whoever has won a lovely woman, let him add his jubilation"

"Geek"

"Sorry what was that Josh?"

"Nothing Mr President"

"Did you just call Sam a geek Josh?"

"I may have Sir"

"For quoting 18th century German poetry"

"That would be no reason to call Sam a geek Mr President"

"No it wouldn't Josh, Back to my original point, despite no flesh and blood connection Leo considered you his son"

"Thank you Sir"

"As do I, you were and are part of my family"

"Thank you Sir"

"Nearly 20 years ago, my family took a trip to Egypt, all five of us, saw the pyramids and Luxor, then headed up into the Sinai. We had a guide, a Bedouin man, who called me "Abu el banat." Whenever we'd meet another Bedouin, he'd introduce me as "Abu el Banat." The Bedouin would laugh and laugh and then offer me a cup of tea. And I'd go and pay them for the tea, and they wouldn't let me. "Abu el Banat" means "father of daughters." They thought the tea was the least they could do."

"Yes Sir"

"Josh you appear to have won a lovely woman who I consider another daughter so I thought I would give you a little advice on meeting Donna's father"

"Sir if you consider Josh a son and Donna a daughter doesn't that make this all a bit… well… in…."

"I am ignoring Sam's earnest attempt to adhere to practicality over oratory sentiment…"

"My apologies Mr President"

"I've met Donna's father Mr President, several times"

"Were you in love with his daughter then?"

"Yes Sir"

"You see that's what makes…what did you say?"

"I said yes Sir"

"The last time you met Donna's father you were together?"

"No Sir"

"I thought you just said..?"

"I said I was in love with her Sir"

"Ahh… I see"

"Well maybe I should rephrase this and say now that you have moved his daughter into your home, where I'm sure she is staying in the guest room under lock and key"

"Donna would want me to assure you of that Mr President"

"She's a good girl"

"Well actually Sir…"

"Josh!"

"Sorry Mr President"

"Josh the point of this round about conversation is that any father of daughter just wants to know one thing, do you know what that is?"

"Sir, Donna isn't the most important thing in my life"

"Well that's not it"

"Sir, Donna's not the most important thing in my life, she is my life. I've nearly lost her three times now, once when she left the campaign, once when she was blown off the road in Gaza and once when she walked out. Sir, I knew I couldn't bring the wrath of the tabloid press down on your administration by getting involved with Donna while we both worked here, I held back to protect you and to protect her, I loved her too much to get involved with her but Sir now I am and I'm going to continue every day of my life to try to protect her, cherish her, love her and be the man I need to be to deserve to have her in my life."

"And do you think you'll ever be the man to deserve to have her in your life"

"Never Sir, she's way too good for me – does that sound like what the father of daughters wants to hear?"

"Well that and you're never going to put a hand her anywhere we wouldn't approve of"

"My mother wants grandchildren Mr President"

"You see Josh, Claudia Jean was getting all teary eyed over there and Sam was about to join her and then you go and say that. Now they look as if they're about to drop on the floor! Grandchildren ey?"

"In the future, Sir, with Donna, I think I could discover if there are worse reasons in the world to do something than because my daughter asks me to"


	22. Chapter 22

I've lost count of how often I've sat in this kitchen watching my mom prepare breakfast or dinner, or bake. I sit on a high stool behind the breakfast bar and watch my mom stir, rub, roll and sprinkle various ingredients while she checks in with me – it used to be 'So Donna, how was your day? Then it became 'How was your week? The worst it's ever been is 'So Donna what have you been up to this last year?' It's not that we don't speak when I'm in D.C. or on the campaign trail, it's not that my parents don't visit me, it's just not the same, this is special time. This is the time where I decide things like giving up college to support freeriders (didn't listen to my mom on that one) or taking my chances and driving to New Hampshire to take a chance on a new life.

"Donna, pass me the honey from the cupboard behind you"

"Which honey?"

"The runny kind"

"Which runny kind?"

"Child did I never teach you to cook?"

"You taught me many things Mom but…"

"The one in the bottle with the brown label"

"Got it"

"Thank you… so Donnatella spill?"

"The honey?"

"Don't get smart with me young lady"

"Sorry Mom"

"He's the one?"

"Yes"

"I thought you'd get over that crush on your boss"

"Mom, I'm happy"

"You were doing so well, campaign spokesperson, I rang Aunt Jane every time I saw you on Television"

"That must have been quite the phone bill"

"Donnatella Moss!" 

"Mom, I'm chief of staff to the incoming First Lady of the United States I think you might still be able to call Aunt Jane without being ashamed of me"

"Ashamed doesn't come into it"

"Mom what are you worried about?"

"Josh has come home with you before"

"Yes"

"You don't act any differently now than you did then – are you sure…"

"Am I sure what?"

"I'm sorry Donna but are you sure you're together, you know like a couple and not just the"

"Dysfunctional co-dependent twosome we once were?"

"I was going to say friends"

"Mom I live with him"

"You lived with him seven years ago"

"He'd just been shot!"

"You still lived with him"

"Mom I can guarantee you I get to do things now living with Josh that I didn't get to do then"

"Are you sure?"

"Am I sure I'm sleeping with my boyfriend?"

"Donna! No, are you sure you weren't then?"

"Mom! He'd just been shot!"

"Good Morning Ladies"

I feel Josh's arms circling my waist from behind and he leans in over my shoulder to plant a chaste kiss on my cheek. When he's done, he doesn't let go.

"There's coffee on the stove Josh"

"Donna, pour our guest some coffee"

"I'm a guest too, I don't live here"

"You used to, now up and pour the man some coffee"

"Mom…"

"I think you should do as your Mom tells you Donna"

"You just want coffee"

"Still"

"That's my seat"

"You got up to get me coffee"

"If you think that's going to be a regular occurrence from now on you really have another think coming"

"I only get coffee when I screw up"

"If that were true you'd get an awful lot more coffee"

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry pumpkin patch but…"

"You see, no difference"

"Sorry, excuse me Mrs Moss what was that?"

"Mom!"

"I said there's no difference"

"Mom!"

--Bring, bring, bring, bring—

"Joshua, your cell in calling"

"It's not mine Donnatella"

"It can't be mine, it's a work cell and you're the only person with the audacity to call me on Christmas day"

--Bring, bring, bring, bring --

"Shouldn't you answer it"

"Donna Moss"

"Yes, I'll hold"

"Good Morning Mrs Santos"

"Thank you, to you and the President-elect"

"I will, of course"

"Yes he's right here"

"Thank you M'am"

"Sorry Helen"

"My daughter's talking to Helen Santos!"

"Mrs Moss, Donna will basically run the First Lady's life for the next eight years"

"But she calls her on the phone, she calls her Helen"

"Mom! I've worked in the White House for years"

"Yes but you typed"

"I'm sorry Mrs Moss, you think all Donna did was type for me!"

"She was…"

"Mrs Moss, Donna typed for the first six months on the campaign, I just had to make sure her professional skills weren't compromised by her personal life"

"Oh you're just hilarious Lyman"

"Since we got to the White House all Donna has typed have been close hold memos, she staffed out everything else"

"Close Hold?"

"Sorry, anything with security clearance"

"You have security clearance?"

"Mom you really don't get what I did"

"I thought you were like Laura-Lynn"

"Laura-Lynn?"

"My dad's receptionist"

"Ado-Annie frequently, Laura-Lynn not so much"

"Josh!"

"There's really no difference between you two"

"There is Mom"

"Not a perceptible one"

"Mom, where is Josh's hand?"

"Josh would you mind removing your hand from my daughter's …um…hip… in my kitchen"

"It was on her back"

"Josh, I teach high school A.P. Anatomy you really think…?"

"Excuse me Mrs Moss"

"Louisa"

"Excuse me Louisa"

"My point is Mom that things are different now I'm with Josh, I don't have to put up with two-faced brunette spawn's of the Satan for one"

"Please tell me Sam and C.J. didn't share that with you"

"O.K. I won't tell you"

"I'm really going to have to rethink Sam's security clearance"

"He's even talked to the President about grand children"

"Donna"

"His or mine?"

"One follows the other Mom"

"He'd better marry you first"

"That can be arranged"

"Josh!"

"What?"

"You said that can be arranged"

"Well it can"

"Don't you think you'd better ask me first"

"That would be part of the arrangements"

"Oh"

"Would that be ok?"

"I think so"


	23. Chapter 23

I've lost count of how often I've walked into a room and saw Sam hunched over a table. Back in the day he'd have a pile of those yellow legal pads sitting on the corner of the desk. When I first knew him, I swore that black ink smudge that permanently adorned the middle finger of his right hand was a tattoo. I remember the first time I noticed it wasn't there, it's the same day I noticed a laptop computer becoming attached to his right arm. I remember Sam once telling me that C.J. asked him who his favourite writer was and he had replied Toby. Sam's mine.

"Hey what are you doing?"

"Third pass at the inaugural"

"You're writing the speech?"

"Otto's good but he's not…"

"You?"

"Well yeah"

"You alright with that?"

"I've never written for the President without To… um Bob"

"Different voice Sam, I didn't bring you in to do this…"

"I know… but it would be like Mary Marsh and Carrick arguing in favour of a 70 tax rebate for billionaires and you saying 'hey not stepping up to that one it's not in my job description anymore…'"

"Yeah that's not going to happen"

"Exactly"

"How's it going?"

"It's an inaugural Josh, there's an immense and powerful history behind these things"

"Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself – nameless unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyses needed effort"

"Franklin D Roosevelt"

"Indeed"

"Donna gets turned on by your ability to quote a line from every Democratic inaugural right?"

"It's amazing really that she was able to control herself for so long"

"Astonishes me daily… this is just arrrgh…rubbish rubbish rubbish!"

"Come on Sam it's not as if you're writing 'Organised associations of citizens requiring compliance with their wishes too much resemble…'"

"The republican lines don't have the same effect on her?"

"William Henry Harrison was a whig actually and no and I'd ask you to kindly refrain…"

"I was going for juxtaposition, with the republican thing"

"You go for it Big Guy"

"These go down in history, they are the marker by which a President is judged. CNN, MSNBC seven hours of coverage with talking heads dissecting every word"

"You've written one already!"

"Co-written and eight years ago!"

"Wound a little tight there Sam?"

"It's January"

"Yeah…Sam?"

"Yeah"

"You've proposed a few times"

"I've proposed twice Josh"

"It seems more"

"Is there a question or a point somewhere in the future of this conversation? We're meeting…"

"How do you…you know?"

"Propose?"

"Yeah"

"You're proposing!"

"I'm considering it"

"Really?"

"She's my Abbey"

"What?"

"Leo, he said she's my Abbey"

"Leo told you to run for President?"

"He said the situation room couldn't handle it, not this decade"

"So next decade?"

"Seaborne for America 2018, we'll get you a house seat first"

"Josh!"

"So how do I?"

"Propose?"

"I don't know, what's the most romantic thing you have ever done for her?"

"Hawaii"

"Ok so take her back to where you stayed and propose"

"Like I'll get a week's vacation before 2014"

"Only eight years"

"Sam!"

"It took you nine to kiss her Josh I'm assuming your timetable is an extended one?"

"Not so much"

"Really!"

"You've been spending way too much time with Lou"

"Does Donna know you're thinking about this?"

"Her Mom said we had to get married before the grandchildren"

"Holy Hell!"

"Yeah… I'll figure it out"

"I can't believe you are thinking about this"

"Less of the you please"

"Sorry but it's you"

"Sam!"

"You know guys I've kind of got used to people being on time when they have a meeting with me"

"Geez C.J. they should give you a bell"

"You are five minutes late for a meeting with the Chief of Staff in the Chief of Staff's office"

"Josh, we're five minutes late for a meeting with the Chief of Staff"

"In the Chief of Staff's office"

"But we're in the Roosevelt Room"

"I think that's cause for concern Sam don't you"

"I do Josh, I do"

"What do you think the Berkeley shiksa-feminista can do about it?"

"Not sure, Berkely shiksa -feminista what are you…"

"O.K. guys, hey hey, come on you're…"

"She's going to say 'hey hey hey you're addressing Senior Staff"

"What was that come back… oh yeah… we should genuflect on the floor as she says that"

"You're not fourteen year old interns from the GAO"

"We're not fourteen year old infants Sam"

"I said interns Josh"

"We're not fourteen year old interns Sam"

"Guys!"

"You missed us C.J."

"We had a meeting?"

"C.J., Josh, Sam"

"Bill Bailey!"

"That's just old Josh"

"Classic I believe"

"I agree with Will… old"

"You're supposed to be on my side Sam"

"Yeah sometimes"

"Sorry I'm late"

"So the meeting's here?"

"Yeah"

"So I was supposed to come here?"

"Yes"

"Does that mean C.J. that you were late and will be genuflecting any second?"

"Margaret!"

"You called?"

"The meeting's in here?"

"That's why I pointed you towards this door"

"You could have told me that"

"I thought it was obvious"

"Not so much"

"I'll note that for future reference"

"Thank you Margaret"

"So what are we meeting about and why is Wilma here?"

"We're coordinating the President's final address with the President-elects inaugural, topics to share, topics to avoid etc etc"

"I think we should start by reviewing Josh's planned proposals"

"Sam!"

"Proposals Josh, for the thing"

"Oh, Ok"

"What else could he mean?"

"Nothing C.J., let's get into this"

"You're planning to propose? To Donna?"

"No to Ginger and Carol and we're planning on living in a commune near Vegas"

"I'm trying to come up something more original than 'sarcasm is the lowest form of wit'"

"And I'll try to counteract with something more than 'the highest form of intelligence', can we get on?"

"You are seriously considering this?"

"Why do I see the line 'the White doesn't comment on the private lives of staffers' in my future"

"I think you'd be happy with that line Mr Bailey"

"And I think neither Donna nor I are, at present, White House staffers and I'm quite happy to keep my…"

"Please don't say sex life"

"Sam! …my personal life – out of the press briefing room"

"We've had it in the Oval so hey…"

"I'm sorry Claudia Jean you've had what in the Oval?"

"O.K. Idiot boys can we.. you know… get on, some of us have a country to misrun"

"Sure… Point one - final address defence and intervention policy focus…"

"Sorry… I need to uh…you're proposing?"

"C.J.!"


	24. Chapter 24

I've lost count of how often I've contemplated a future with Donna. Since about a month after I met her, every time I thought of myself in the future, it was married with little blond children running around the old house in Connecticut. Now I'm not a woman so I'm not saying these thoughts came frequently, just every time they did that's what they were. Even before I was consciously aware of my feelings for Donna, my sub conscious never even considered a life without her. When my conscious was violently made aware that a life without her was a possibility, I was on the next plane to Landstuhl.

There used to be a big terracotta pot which sat on the deck at my parents house. When Joanie and I were small we'd play ball near it and we'd hear my mother's voice from the kitchen window 'Don't you break that pot!' I'd call back to her with the know-it-all authority of a seven year old'Ma, it's solid, it can't break!'. That's how I felt about my relationship with Donna, it was solid, it couldn't break and I said that with the know-it-all authority of a … yeah we're not going there…

Since I made the mistake of asking Sam about proposals everyone has had a opinion. I may be the only man ever to have had the words 'Josh Lyman will as Donna Moss to marry him today!' threatened as a presidential and presidential-elect proclamation! Not to mention as a direct order from the Office of the Chief of staff.

"Josh, What the hell am I doing here?"

"You're replacing Toby now shut it C.J."

"I thought I was replacing Toby"

"Alright, Sam you can be replacing Toby"

"So who am I replacing?"

"Will"

"I don't want to replace Will"

"C.J. can't be Will, Josh"

"Danny, give me a break here please"

"If anyone wants to replace me, I can go home"

"At least you have a coat this time, now will you all shut it please"

"It's snowing, it's January, Why wouldn't I have a coat?"

"How the hell would I know Charlie? Can we please…?"

"He took it off to show his love for Zoë"

"You weren't even there C.J."

"I know but he told me"

"Can we please for the love of all that is holy, get back to me"

"O.K., What are we doing again?"

"You'll find out in a minute, all I'm asking is a little support from my friends, silent unquestioning support"

"And you asked us?"

"Sam! Would it be too much to ask to you know…?"

"All I'm saying is that if you wanted silent unquestioning support, your best option may not have been a former speech writer, a former press secretary, a former reporter and Charlie"

"Don't I get a title?"

"Guys…please!"

"'Kay, what are we doing"

"Grab some snow, and just follow my lead"

"What?"

"Like this…"

THUD: THUD: THUD: THUD,THUD,THUD

"Josh, What the hell are you doing?"

"Get down here Donna! Now!"

"Why can't you come up, what's everyone doing here?"

"You're supposed to tell me to keep my voice down"

"Why?"

"Because I'm shouting"

"Josh?"

"Tell me to keep my voice down and come down here now"

"Keep your voice down"

"Don't even think about telling me to keep my voice! Get down here!"

"You just told me to tell you to keep your voice down"

"Donna!"

"O.K. O.K. I'm coming"

A window flies open at the other side of the street.

"Hey, now I'm telling you both -- keep your voice down"

"I'm sorry. Didn't mean to disturb you. Uh, this is a special situation. It's okay"

"You see guys now this is more like it"

"Josh, you are aware that tomorrow you will be the incoming White House Chief of Staff and being arrested wouldn't look good?"

"Guys, I think he's finally lost it"

"Leo would never have done this"

"We're not getting arrested, C.J., Charlie, I haven't lost it, I've found it and Sam, Leo was already… he just didn't need to do this ok?"

"Josh, What is going on? First you tell me I can't dress at the White House or C.J.'s or our place. You send me out with the twitchy chick from C.J.'s detail and I end up at my old apartment with my inaugural ball dress hanging on the door, are you trying to tell me something and if you are why do you turn up in a taxi with… Hi guys …"

"Hi Donna"

"Hi Donna"

"Hey Donna"

"Hi Donna"

"You came down here without a coat?"

"My crazy boyfriend was throwing snowballs at my window, what are you doing Josh?"

"You look amazing."

"What?"

"You look amazing"

"Thank you. C.J. Do you know what he's doing?"

"Sorry Donna I gave up trying to work that out years ago, he just made us come with him"

"We're being cops"

"Cops Danny…what? What are you…? I'm sorry about all this, I don't know what's… Josh… what is this about?"

"We're going to a ball"

"Josh?"

"Donna, come on play with me here… Balls are…"

"Josh?"

"Donna?"

"'Kay… Balls are fun"

"We're actually going to eight…well nine of them."

"Eight…well nine times the fun. Josh what is this?"

"I was actually the one who hit the window, the rest of them went to school on my throw."

"Ooooo…Kayyy…!Josh, what's going on? Did you hit your head? What's that in your hand?"

"It's a index card"

"An index card?"

"Yeah…on it there's a list of things, a 'to do' list"

"You wrote a 'to do' list"

"You taught me a lot Donna, you've been my best friend for nine years. I've been lucky enough to fall in love with my best friend. You held my life together, you held me together and I've loved you in one way or another for as long as I've known you."

"Josh.."

"Hang on a second… You've taught me so much, you've made me happy. When I thought I'd lost you, when I thought I wouldn't make it in time I realised that I couldn't imagine my life without you"

"Josh, that's…"

"Hold on… I screwed it up when you came back…"

"We both did Josh"

"Donna if I'd told you I loved you, was in love with you and didn't want a life without you, if I'd been honest we never would have got as broken up as we did"

"Josh…It was my fau…"

"Let me do this will you please?"

"Do what?"

"Look at the index card"

"'Kay"

"What does it say?"

"It says 'To Do'"

"And?"

"Get Matt Santos elected President"

"Check and?"

"Call Sam"

"Sam did I call you?"

"Yeah, yeah you did"

"O.K. Check that one off and?"

"Take Donna to Hawaii"

"We did that, and?"

"Tell Donna I…oh Josh…"

"Go on"

"Tell Donna I love her, Josh that's just…"

"I did that and you said it back?"

"And you came bouncing into the shower and nearly slipped and strained your…"

"Stop right there, we did that one, check, what's next?"

"Ask Donna to move into my place?"

"Check. What else does it say?"

"You gave the lease on my apartment away!"

"Details Donna, stick to the list, what's next?"

"I can't believe you wrote a list"

"What comes next?"

Ring Mom… what?"

"Yeah 'rang' Mom… And?"

"'Ring' Josh?"

"I'm trying out the British, practicing for the next state dinner… and?"

"Call Donna's Mom & Dad. Why are you…?"

"I had a question about cheese…And?"

"Assemble bad cop posse"

"You guys there?"

"Yeah"

"We're here"

"We're freezing our kn…"

"Charlie!"

"Yeah we're here"

"O.K. check, what's next?"

"That's it"

"Turn it over"

"Josh?"

"Turn it over"

"Oh…oh…oh…"

"What does it say?"

"It's says ask…"

"Yeah?"

"It says ask Donna to marry me"

"Yeah it does… Donnatella Moss, I love you, will you marry me?"

"Oh my…oh my…oh…oh…"

"Donna, man down on one knee in the snow would like an answer…"

"Oh Josh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes I'll marry you"

'It's the heart afraid of breaking that never learns to dance, it's the dream afraid of waking that never takes a chance' Many things can be broken terracotta pots, hearts, friendships, the mending only makes them stronger.

FIN


End file.
